George: When some of you come back to life, the dragon is gone, and the charred remnants of the forest floor are covered in its boiling ichor. Brain's personal Computer is chirping.
Bill (ooc): We're out our mutant pilot and our cyborg tank. Things are not looking up.
Perry (ooc): No, but at least we don't look as much like a freak show.
Sam: Brain checks to see why it is chirping.
George: HAL-O has received a request to open a communication channel with an alien being.
Sam: Right. On screen.
George: A humanoid figure dressed in shiny black armor with a black cape and a black helmet that completely covers its face is looking at you. Its breathing is slow, measured, and very raspy, like it is regulated by a machine.
Bill (ooc): How many shots, George?
George: He speaks in a very deep and sinister voice in a language you don't understand.
Sam: Checking the translator.
George: "We would be honored if you would join us, Commander Solo."
Bill (ooc): I think your translator is not as good at what it does as you think it is.
Sam: Brain looks to Pointier for instructions.
Perry: "Please tell that infrared scum to behave. This channel is not for his own abuse. We will report him to Computer friend, unless he has permission for its use."
Sam: Brain types this into the translator.
George: The armored infrared answers, "Luke, I am your father."
Sam: Brain blinks.
George: He continues, "Impressive. Obi Wan has taught you well, but you are not a Jedi, yet."
Sam: Brain shakes the translator in case a circuit has come loose and then types in, "What's a Jedi?"
George: He says in a cold and sinister voice, "Weesa gonna die?"
Sam: Brain whips out his laser and blasts the translator. "It was a boring conversation anyway."
George: The armored infrared makes a motion with his hand, and suddenly you are choking.
Sam: Brain shoots the personal Computer.
George: Your group's link to HAL-O and the Computer explodes into shards of plastic, silicon, and metal, but the death grip holds.
Sam: I pull out as many grenades as I can hold in one hand and pull the pins.
Bill: Taking cover.
Fanny: Ditto.
Perry: Shields up.
George: The grenades explode, turning your science officer into a pair of smoking boots in a crater. The rest of you escape unharmed.
Fanny: I take his boots. "The loss of an ally can cause long-term psychological damage. As chief medic and happiness officer, I order all of us to take another dose of happy pills."
Bill (ooc): How many of those things do you have left, anyway?
Fanny (ooc): I haven't been keeping count, but I started the game with 1,440 of them, so I don't think I'll run out anytime soon.
George: Soon, you are all so happy that you're seeing things that probably aren't even there - like the bunny petbots and the kitty petbots and the five giant, multicolored, flying halibut that are firing missiles at the giant humanoid marshmallow that is walkind down from the mountains. When this doesn't seem to phase the marshmallow man, the halibut start shouting, "Form feet and legs. Form arms and torso. And I'll form the head. Go, Halbitron!" The five giant fish then form a giant humanoid made of fish, wielding a blazing sword, and starts wailing on the marshmallow man.
Perry: Okay. We're going the other way - back into the burning forest, I assume?
George: The fire appears to have been extinguished.
Perry: Good.
George: In its place however, is a small army of elves armed with longbows who would like to discuss your environmental policy.
Bill: Jim shouts a battlecry to the glory of the Computer (and in the meter of Green Eggs and Ham) before taking cover behind the nearest solid object (probably Yum), setting his multi-rifle to kill, and opening fire. 10. That's a miss.
George: Given how closely they're packed together, the laser cuts several of them in half.
Perry: Pointier begins cheerfully throwing grenades at strategic locations, taking cover behind Yum and Jim.
George: The grenades blast elves to bits all over the remnants of the forest.
Fanny: Yum fires her laser pistol at a group of elves and then probably whimpers slightly as their return fire makes a pin cushion of her. 9 when my skill is 2.
George: You boil the brains out of one of them before, yes, the elven army unleashes a volley of arrows at Yum. What's your armor against impact?
Fanny: Zero, of course.
George: Collectively, they do every Legalos trick on you in a single turn. Yum collapses into a heap.
Bill: Jim figures he has another regen left and opens fire with another swath of laser. 19. Damn.
George: This time, the laser is reflected off the shiny jewel one of them is wearing and hits the multicorder, damaging it slightly.
Bill: Is it still functional?
George: It seems that way, yes. It seems to be hissing slightly like a balloon with a leak, though.
Perry: Throwing another grenade. 10, with a skill of 2. Big whiff.
George: The explosion still sends enough shrapnel to wound a couple of elves. Yum comes back to life. All of you then die as the anti-tampering device in the multicorder releases a substantial payload of cyanide gas.
Perry: Gah!
George: You all come back to life. The elves are rallying to fire another volley.
Fanny: Firing the laser, again. 14. Not even close.
George: You manage to set the marshmallow man behind you on fire. The elves fire and turn Yum into a blowfish turned inside out.
Perry: Pretending to draw my laser when I am actually using the teleporter to get as far away from here as possible.
Bill: Traitor. Do either of us notice?
George: Yum is too dead to notice. Give me a Moxie check.
Bill: 3 out of 10, so yes.
George: Yes.
Bill: Knowing he has been betrayed but unable to save himself, Jim pans the camera to the spot where Pointier isn't, switches the gun to nuke, and fires as far away as he can in the direction of the elves.
George: The tacnuke shell travels roughly 75 meters before it lands behind the elven army and explodes, turning Mirkwood, the elven army, and two loyal troubleshooters into white hot atoms.
Fanny: Does Yum regen?
George: Not this time.
Fanny: Even if she uses her mutant power to help the symbiote work?
George: I'll let you try.
Fanny: Is a 1 good enough?
George: That die is rigged, but yes.
Fanny: Yum is going to try to track down Pointier.
Perry: Pointier, like every dumb, commie villain, is going to return to the scene of the crime to make sure his victims are thoroughly destroyed, though the mushroom cloud is really quite encouraging.
George: In that case, just as the black moon rises in the north and blows HAL-O out of orbit, Fanny spots Pointier.
Perry: I'm leaving the shield on, by the way.
Fanny: Can Yum tell that the shield is on?
George: Not at this range, no.
Fanny: Opening fire with her laser anyway. The commie traitor will pay for his treason. 4. A miss.
George: Pointier sees a bolt of crackling energy lance past his head.
Perry: Can I see where it's coming from?
George: Yes.
Perry: Returning fire with my laser pistol. 6. Also a miss.
Fanny (ooc): What's your laser skill?
Perry (ooc): 2. And yours?
Fanny (ooc): 2.
Perry (ooc): This could take a while.
Fanny: Firing again. 19.
Perry: Ditto. 5.
Fanny: 19
Perry: 16
Fanny: 14
Perry: 9
Fanny: 11
Perry: Ha! 2!
George: Roll for damage.
Perry: Crap. 4.
George: Your laser burns her hair a bit, but nothing else.
Perry (ooc): A really, really long while.
Fanny: 18.
Perry: 16.
Fanny: 8.
Perry: 19.
Fanny: 10.
Perry: 1.
George: Damage?
Perry: 5.
George: Yum is stunned for a turn. Take another turn.
Perry: 6.
Fanny: 7.
Perry: 15.
Fanny: 6.
Perry: 3.
Fanny: 2.
George: Damage?
Perry (ooc): Don't forget that my shield is on.
George: I had. Sorry. Both of you are blown to atoms as the laser and the shield both turn into mushroom clouds.
Fanny (ooc): What?
George: Ever read Dune? You know what happens when a shield is hit by a laser?
Bill (ooc): Big boom.
Fanny (ooc): So, does that mean we're both dead? Can I try to regenerate again?
George: It wouldn't really matter much. At that moment, the Death Star in orbit above you reduces the planet to a small asteroid field.
Bill (ooc): Again, I am reminded why I didn't miss playing this game...
George (ooc): I'm headed to bed before the hangover keeps me awake all morning.
Bill (ooc): Sounds like a good idea to me.
The session ends.
George Gordon, Lord Byron (George) - GM
William Blake (Bill) plays chief engineer and posterity officer Jim-Y-BND
Mary Shelley (Mary) plays bot relations officer and pilot Radley-Y-BOO
Percy Bysshe Shelley (Perry) plays team leader Pointier-B-OSS
John Keats (John) plays cyborg and weapons specialist Red-Y-GUN
Fanny Brawne (Fanny) plays happiness officer and medic Yum-Y-PIL
Samuel Coleridge (Sam) plays science and communications officer Brain-Y-GUY