Since Ed and Nate have gone home to the Americas for the holidays, the others have decided not to play Mage this week. Instead, they have gathered at a Christmas party held by George Gordon, the sixth Lord Byron. They are joined by Percy Bysshe Shelley (Mary's husband). The other guests have long since excused themselves or fallen asleep, but a few gamers have taken up their host's offer to play a brief one-shot game of Paranoia. As it happens, George has several pre-generated characters, which he soon distributes to each of player according to his or her humour. As it turns out, George has basically taken the 2nd Edition Paranoia rules and fudged them to his liking.
George: You are the sixth and last clone of your clone family, so it is reasonable that you are not careless with your life. Then the Computer calls you to a briefing room.
All the characters eventually end up at the briefing room.
George (as the Computer): In the distant DND Sector, the people have forgotten the wonders of My benevolence. They have fallen into deeply primative barbarism and a worship of Communist scum. Go to them and show them My great and marvelous works, and they will surely beg for citizenship. Kill their commie leaders if they refuse to cooperate. The distance to the DND Sector is great, however, and I know you are the last of you clone families. So, in My benevolence, I have decided to provide you with a nano-symbiote to restore you to life should you fall to the weapons of the commie mutant traitors. You need not fear, for I am your friend. It would take outright atomization to destroy your bodies completely.
Perry: My friend, Computer, surely I will serve to bring the savage hearts to your embrace. The commie scum will get what they deserve, but those who listen soon will know your grace.
Sam (ooc): Mary, how much has he had to drink, tonight?
Mary (ooc): Just a little, I think.
Sam (ooc): Then what has he had to drink, tonight? Or smoke. Or snuff. Or inject...
Mary (ooc): I haven't really been paying attention.
George: Two docbots hold you down while the third tatoos a large bullseye on each of your chests (the nano-symbiote).
George (as the Computer): You will be escorted shortly to HAL-O, the newest form of transportation across great distances.
John (ooc): Halo, eh? Okay, but if the Flood show up, I'm out of here.
Mary (ooc): It could be a 2001 reference.
John (ooc): Either way, it bodes.
Bill (ooc): This is Paranoia. It's supposed to bode.
Perry: I thank thee for this mark upon my chest - this blessing of Promethean deathlessness. I'll serve you evermore and at my best, for no true citizen ought to do less.
Sam (ooc): This is our noble leader? Worried...
Fanny: This is just too exciting! If anyone feels that their level of excitement might not be within the healthy levels recommended by our friend the Computer, don't hesitate to let me know. I will be delighted to dispense the Computer's love and joy to anyone who needs it!
Mary (ooc): Why do I feel like a chorus of line-dancing robots is going to show up any minute to sing us all a stirring rendition of "Serve and Enjoy?"
Bill (ooc): Happiness is mandatory. Failure to be happy is treason. Treason is punishable by execution. Are you happy?
George (as the Computer): Please try to smile for the camera. If your mission succeeds, millions of citizens will watch your adventures unfold, episode by breath-taking episode.
Sam (ooc): Oh great. So our mission is also a reality TV show. DND Sector Survivor.
Bill (ooc): I don't know, Sam. If we play our cards, right, it could be Alpha Complex Idol.
Sam (ooc): Or Fear Factor.
Mary (ooc): Who says it has to be a reality TV show? With Bill's head-mounted camcorder, we could just be filming a cheap knock-off of the Blair Witch Project.
Bill (ooc): Why not all four? We could have Fear Factor Survivor Island with a witch who only kills the worst singer in each episode. It'd be like playing musical chairs, but instead of taking away one of the chairs, you replace one with a chair-shaped bear trap.
Mary (ooc): You're still a tea totaler, right, Bill?
Bill (ooc): Yes.
Mary (ooc): Just checking.
George: You are escorted to a Vulturcraft and sealed inside like dwarves in a barrel.
Bill (ooc): Would that be multiple dwarves in the same barrel or several dwarves, each of whom has his or her own barrel?
George: It takes off. Several minutes later, it stops, and the door opens to reveal a hanger.
Mary (ooc): What else is in the hanger?
George: Your Vulturecraft, which has the name BOB painted on the side, a decaying Warbot whose name tag reads "Hello. I'm Rusty," and six Super-Heavy, Semi-Self-Piloting Commie-Demolition Tanks (which you all recognize as the most powerful non-experimental tanks) merely numbered 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
Sam (ooc): Aww. No Puma?
John (ooc): Who needs a Puma? We've got tanks!
Sam (ooc): You could totally pick up chicks in a tank.
George: There is a door on the far side of the hanger. A screen above it marquees the words "Good morning, Troubleshooters. Please take your seats."
John (ooc): At least our pilot's name isn't Dave.
Perry: Good people, come and take your seats with me. Our mission I suspect will soon begin. Rejoice in your most mighty citizenry, or you will be rewarded for your sin.
Sam (ooc): You're not even trying, now.
George: Assuming you pass through the door, you find yourself in a rather strange cockpit. Instead of chairs, there are various bowl-like objects with the opening facing the front of the cockpit. Each, however, has enough space for you to squeeze inside. Far from being simply round, however, each bowl is a different shape - a pink heart, a yellow moon, an orange star, a green clover, a blue diamond, and a purple horseshoe.
John (ooc): Lucky us. So, who gets to sit in the horseshoe? It's clearly above all our security clearances.
Perry: The horseshoe, clearly, is the seat of favor. Not one of us is worthy, at his core. All others shall choose their own color's flavor. The mutant scum must simply sit upon the floor.
Mary (ooc): That's it. Piss off the only one who knows how to use our vehicles...
Bill (ooc): You're playing a character who is, in essence, named Boo Radley. What did you expect?
Mary: As you command, citizen Pontier.
George: Once you have all taken your places, HAL-O accelerates. You have less than a second before you hear your bones shatter. You all die and are carried to your destination in near-liquid form.
Bill (ooc): Thank you, George. I had almost forgotten why I didn't miss this game...
George: You're welcome, Bill. When the symbiotes finally put you together again (everyone lower all your stats by 1 but leave your skills alone), HAL-O is no longer moving.
Bill (ooc): Ah, so there is an incentive not to die, after all.
Perry: It seems that we are near our destination. Radley, will you divine our new location?
George (ooc): He's broken into couplets, now. That's never a good sign.
Perry: Medic, please dispense the medication. A happy pill now dulls later frustration.
Bill (ooc): You missed a beat.
Perry (ooc): Bah. You try it.
Bill (ooc): I might.
Mary (ooc): Please don't.
Fanny (ooc): Yummy will dispense happy pills and hormone suppressants to everyone and make sure they take them.
Mary: HAL-O, are you functional?
George (as HAL-O): Yes, citizen.
Mary: Could you tell us our location, friend HAL-O?
George (as HAL-O): Yes, citizen.
Mary: And what is our location?
George (as HAL-O): We are currently at the edge of the DND sector.
John: Can we get a visual?
George: HAL-O doesn't answer.
Mary: Can we get a visual of the area outside?
George (as HAL-O): No, citizen. That information is not available at your security clearance.
Mary: Could you give Pontier a visual, at least?
George (as HAL-O): Yes, but there is only one vidscreen.
Mary: Okay. We'll turn around, and you show Pontier a visual of the area outside.
Everyone turns around. Yum, however, cleverly uses the shaving mirror in her personal hygiene kit to spy on the vidscreen. George passes Mary and Perry a note.
George: This is what you two see outside. You're about 10 miles above it.
George Gordon, Lord Byron (George) - GM
William Blake (Bill) plays chief engineer and posterity officer Jim-Y-BND
Mary Shelley (Mary) plays bot relations officer and pilot Radley-Y-BOO
Percy Bysshe Shelley (Perry) plays team leader Pointier-B-OSS
John Keats (John) plays cyborg and weapons specialist Red-Y-GUN
Fanny Brawne (Fanny) plays happiness officer and medic Yum-Y-PIL
Samuel Coleridge (Sam) plays science and communications officer Brain-Y-GUY
