Not All Power is Glamorous

April 14, 2005

Dick: The Hot Fun is quickly ready for consumption.
Condi (singing): "Tha-a-Ank you, Friend, for giving us food. Tha-a-Ank you, Friend, for giving us friends. We know it will all be good. Thank you, Friend, for giving us food."
John: "Thank you, Condi-R. Before we eat, I want to make sure everyone's hands are clean. To that end, it's PHT, time. George-R, you first. Hold out your hands for examination." To make this simple, everyone just make a Hygiene roll - unless Dick has a problem with that?
Dick: Seems fair and random enough, if that's what you want. George?
George rolls a 16.
George: Nope. Failure margin of 7.
John: "You haven't washed these since the beginning of the mission, have you, citizen? It shows. I can't allow you to handle any foods in that condition. I'd check to see exactly how filthy you are by taking a SCS, but I'm afraid your grime might clog the delicate equipment. Stand over there and ready yourself for an ESP. Samuel-R?"
Samuel rolls an 18.
Samuel: Failure margin of 14. His hands are covered in bot oil, rust, and who knows what else.
John: I recoil. "Did you fall in a sewage drain while I wasn't paying attention, citizen? You are the single greatest weapon working against Alpha Complex in the war against the Commies. I feared something like this might happen. I'm fining you and George-R 10 credits for failing a hygiene inspection. Stand over there by George-R and get ready for an ESP. Alberto-R."
Alberto rolls a 7.
Alberto: Failed by 1.
John: "More and more, I am convinced that it is imperative that Lisa-Y or Tim-O allow us access to the hygiene facilities on this transbot. Otherwise, our mission might fail from sheer lack of hygiene. Also, picking your nose is a dirty habit, Alberto-R, and I will be watching you to make sure you break that habit. Stand over there and get ready for ESP. 10 credits for failing inspection. Donald-R?"
Donald rolls 2.
George (ooc): Well, at least someone will be allowed to eat.
Donald: Failed by 1. Yeah, that's kind of my weakness.
John: "10 credit fine, Donald-R. Your body odor is not as offensive as some I've smelled today, but it's still an embarrassment to the Computer. Tom-R?"
Tom rolls a 6.
Tom: Failed by 2.
John: "Maybe you should turn that multicorder around and get a shot of those noxious clouds of body odor emanating from your armpits, Tom-R. 10 credit fine and stand over there with the other treasonously dirty Troubleshooters. Condi-R?"
Condi rolls an 8.
Condi: Success by a margin of 2.
John: "You pass inspection. Enjoy your Hot Fun, Condi-R. The rest of you, follow me. We're going to use the transbot's hygiene facilities." I march toward the Tech Services quarters.
Dick: Byron-R is waiting for you.
George: "I warned you, citizen."
John: "I have five teammates who are in need of ESPs, and you will grant us immediate access to this transbot car's hygiene facilities."
Byron-R: "I don't know. I'd have to clear it with Tim-O, first."
John: "You don't *know*? Where is the hole in your understanding of the concept of MCL, citizen?"
Alberto: "Something stinks, here."
Donald: I take notes furiously in my Loyalty Notepad.
Tom: I document Byron-R's treasonous ignorance of basic hygiene ethics.
John: "You're right, Alberto-R. Byron-R, hold out your arm and ready yourself for a PHT." I remove the SCS-6 and hold it in front of me with both hands for added emphasis.
Dick: Byron-R holds his arms away from you. "You have no right! I'm not under your command. I report to Tim-O."
Alberto: "Hygiene applies to all citizens equally. If your hygiene officer has been doing his job, you should pass a PHT with flying colors. If you do not, than he is treacherously lax in his duties and will answer for his lack of concern for the hygiene of those entrusted to his care."
Byron-R: "I'll go get Tim-O right now."
John: "PHT now, citizen. George-R, Samuel-R, hold his arm for me.
George: I comply.
Samuel: Ditto.
Dick: If both of you fail this check, Byron-R will escape into the transbot car. Would either of you like to spend Perversity?
Samuel: I'll take the risk. Unarmed is 4.
George: I'll spend 5, making Unarmed 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 2 and 2.
Dick: You both seize Byron-R firmly and hold out his arm for John-R.
Samuel: I'm going to try to get a nice grease smudge on an open patch of arm.
John: I'm going to place the SCS-6 directly over the dirtiest part of Byron-R's arm and set it to 10.
Tom: Getting a mid-range of the struggle, zooming in on Byron-R's expression while the SCS-6 is being hooked up, and then shifting the focus to the readout of the SCS-6.
Dick: You rig the situation well enough to get an ESP recommendation.
John: "Just as I suspected." I flip open my PDC. "Computer, as hygiene officer, I am requesting you fine the following citizens 10 credits for failing a hygiene test - George-R, Samuel-R, Donald-R, Tom-R, Alberto-R, and Byron-R. I would also like to report that Byron-R has refused to give a me access to hygiene facilities necessary to complete a proper ESP, thus interfering with a hygiene officer's assigned duties."
Dick: Write a treason code 15 on your character sheet, John.
Computer: "These fines will be assessed, John-R."
Dick: Byron-R's PDC rings. He answers it, and you can hear the voice of The Computer emanating from it. "Would you care to explain why you feel it necessary to sabotage an important Troubleshooter mission by preventing a hygiene officer from maintaining the MCL of his team, citizen Byron-R?" Byron-R swallows hard. The Computer continues. "You are to grant those citizens designated by John-R immediate access to the hygiene facilities on the transbot sleeper car behind you. Failure to comply will disappoint me greatly, Byron-R." He closes the PDC, looks at you weakly, and waves you past.
John: "You're coming with us, Byron-R. You require ESP as much as any of my teammates. Besides, you will need to inform Tim-O of the will of The Computer. I'd hate for him to mistake our arrival for treason."
Alberto: Will he lead, or do we need to provide some additional incentive.
Dick: You'll be disappointed to know that he does as you say.
John: I'll go behind him.
Tom: I'll take the rear so I can document any refusal by the technicians to obey a direct order from The Computer.
Dick: Anyone jockeying for that position?
No one answers.
Dick: Brave Troubleshooters. In that case, Tim-O looks up from a schematic he is studying with the other technicians.
Tom passes Dick a note: I want to know the nature of that schematic. I'll use Hypersenses if necessary to see it clearly.
Dick rolls a die in secret for Power and Hardware - 4 and 15.
Dick passes Tom a note: You can see it clearly with your mutant power. It appears to be a blueprint for a planned IR market. All the cameras and other security devices are clearly marked.
Tom passes Dick a note: I'll try to zoom in on the blueprint as much as possible so I can read it later.
Tim-O: "Byron-R, I told you not to let anyone in here."
Byron-R: "I'm sorry, citizen. I received a direct order from The Computer to let them use the hygiene facilities."
Dick: Tim-O studies Byron-R for a long moment. He carefully folds up the schematic.
Tim-O: "Thank you for exercising such good judgement, Byron-R. Come in, Troubleshooters. Our hygiene closet is your hygiene closet. I regret the confusion."
John: I ignore him, focusing my full attention on the hygiene closet and the dirty citizens. "Samuel-R, you're the dirtiest. Remove all your equipment and clothing and leave it with me outside the hygiene closet. Wash thoroughly but quickly. Our Hot Fun is getting cold."
Tom passes a note to Dick: Examining the equipment of everyone from afar with Hypersenses and, when possible, recording the presence of any treasonous equipment I find there.
John passes a note to John: I'm not going to make a show of examining my teammates' equipment, but I'll keep an eye out for treasonous equipment.
Dick: Samuel, what are you doing?
Samuel: I do as I'm told. I have nothing to hide.
Dick: Can I see your character for a moment, then?
Samuel (ooc): Crap.
Dick rolls some dice in secret and ignores the results.
Dick passes a note to John: Half his grenades are not standard-issue. They appear to be designed to emit a burst of electromagnetic energy.
Dick passes a note to Tom: Nothing appears to be amiss.
Samuel passes a note to Dick: Doing my best to sabotage the hygiene closet so it only works one more time before breaking down. Sabotage is 14.
Dick rolls a die and ignores the result.
Dick passes a note to Samuel: Write treason code 16 on your character sheet and have a Perversity point. You sabotage the hygiene facilities well.
Dick: Samuel-R comes out of the hygiene closet squeaky clean.
Samuel: I put on my clothes and equipment. "All clean, John-R. I'll watch the equipment for the rest of the team. It will give me time to perform a brief weapons check."
John: I don't argue with the equipment guy in front of the multicorder and both loyalty officers. "Excellent idea, Samuel-R. George-R, you're next."
George: I do as I'm told with a smile.
Dick: Character sheet, please.
Samuel passes Dick a note: I'll examine each laser that comes into my possession, making the non-lethal modification I made to the Tech Services technicians' lasers. Overload device is 13.
Dick rolls a die in secret - 15.
George (ooc): What are you doing to my equipment while I'm in the shower, Samuel?
Dick passes a note to Samuel: Done.
Dick passes a note to John: You notice nothing out of the ordinary.
Dick passes a note to Tom: You notice nothing out of the ordinary.
George (ooc): All three of you?
Dick: Doing anything in the shower, George-R?
George: Cleaning myself quickly so the next clone can use the facilities.
Dick: George-R soon exits the hygiene closet.
George: I dress hastily. "Who's next?"
John: Alberto, Donald, Byron, and Tom. Personalized arbitrary justice roll. Alberto-R is 1-5. Donald-R is 6-10. Byron is 11-15. Tom-R is 16-20. (Rolls a 3) Alberto-R it is, then. "Alberto-R. You're next."
Alberto: I do as I'm told, but I lock the Loyalty Notepad and take the key with me into the hygiene closet.
Dick passes Alberto a note: Shortly after the water starts, a pipe breaks, sending water spraying all over the place - even on the towel.
Alberto passes Dick a note: I keep showering.
Dick passes Alberto a note: The tiles start peeling off the wall, exposing the pipes behind it.
Alberto passes Dick a note: I continue, unperturbed.
George (ooc): What the hell are you doing in there, Alberto?
Dick passes Alberto a note: The cold water abruptly cuts out, turning the shower scalding hot.
Alberto: "Yikes!"
Alberto passes Dick a note: I carry on, refusing to give up in the middle of the shower.
John: I knock on the door. "Are you okay in there, citizen Alberto-R?"
Alberto: "I'm, ouch, fine, John-R. The water, oo, is just a bit, aiie, hotter than I expected."
Dick passes a note to Alberto: The drain abruptly clogs, and the closet is rapidly filling up with soapy water.
Alberto passes a note to Dick: I'll wait until I am almost drowning in the rinse before opening the hygiene closet door.
Dick passes a note to Alberto: Have a Perversity point.
Dick: Alberto-R is in the hygiene closet for nearly five minutes before the door opens and a wall of water exits, carrying a wet, naked Alberto-R with it.
Alberto: I pick myself up with what dignity I can muster and begin putting on my clothes over my soaked body. "I believe the hygiene closet needs some technical support, citizens."
Samuel: I examine the remnants of the hygiene closet.
John: "Can you repair it, equipment guy?"
Samuel: "Given time, yes. It will take time, though."
Tim-O: "Don't worry. We'll take care of the mess, John-R."
John: "Tom-R, Donald-R, and Byron-R need immediate ESP. Do you think you could help us convince Lisa-Y to let us use the hygiene closet in her team's sleeper car, Tim-O?" I smile winningly.
Dick: He smiles knowingly back. "I'm sure she'd be glad to share her team's facilities, John-R. Byron-R and John-R, you're in front. I'll take the rear. Tom-R, you can stand in front of me. Everyone else will stand in front of Tom-R."
Dick: Since I don't want to spend the entire session in the shower, I'll rule that you manage to convince Lisa-Y to let you use her team's hygiene closet. If either of you remaining dirty Troubleshooters wants to do anything less than fully comply, please pass me your notes now.
Tom passes Dick a note: Doing what the hygiene officer tells me to do, but I just wanted to hide a couple bugs and a mini-camera in the Tech Services sleeper car on our way out.
Dick passes a note to Tom: Okay.
Donald passes Dick a note: Give me a minute to negotiate with John-R while Tom-R is in the shower...
Dick passes a note to Donald: Make it quick.
Donald passes a note to George: "Citizen George-R, could I speak to you for just a moment?"
George passes a note to Donald: "What's on your mind, Donald-R?"
Donald: George-R and I step into the corridor for a moment.
Donald passes a note to George: "It is a well-documented fact that at least one member of every Troubleshooter team is a traitor. John-R has handled everyone else's equipment. In the event that he is a traitor, it might be best that he not have access to my equipment."
George passes a note to Donald: "I'll keep my mouth shut about your...nonstandard equipment for 20 credits. Do we have a deal, or do I cry Commie?"
Donald passes a note to George: "Deal."
Donald passes a note to Dick: I'm leaving my treasonous equipment with George-R and then returning to the sleeper car.
George passes a note to Dick: As soon as Tom-R is out of the closet and Donald-R is in it, I'm going to motion him over to the exit into the corridor where I'm watching Donald's stuff.
Donald: I strip off my equipment and hand it over to Samuel-R and John-R. I step into the hygiene closet shortly after Tom-R leaves it.
Dick passes a note to Tom: As you exit the hygiene closet, you notice George-R waving you over to the exit.
Tom passes a note to Dick: I slip into the shadows and slip over to George-R.
Tom passes a note to George: "Yes, George-R?"
George passes a note to Tom: I motion off-camera for you to point the multicorder elsewhere.
Tom passes George a note: I focus the multicorder at the hygiene officer performing his duty and turn of the microphone.
George passes a note to Tom: "For 20 credits, I can get you a sweet bit of blackmail on Donald-R. Interested?"
Tom passes a note to George: I hand the credits over. "It had better be worth it."
George passes a note to Tom: "It is." I let you by. "I'll let you know when the water stops running."
Tom passes a note to Dick: I examine Donald-R's hidden equipment, documenting it.
Dick passes a note to Tom: He has two Old Reckoning books, a kevlar vest, and a strange red token.
Tom passes a note to Dick: I palm and pocket the token off-camera as I turn to re-enter the sleeper car.
Dick: Tom-R eventually exits the hygiene closet. Byron-R cleans up next. Soon, everyone is clean and ready for a nice meal of Lukewarm Fun.
Condi: I could always reheat it.
John: I tuck in and encourage others to do the same, content in the knowledge that my action allowed us to avert disaster.

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge