Optimism Doesn't Pay

April 16, 2005

Dick: Once everyone has been restored to Minimum Cleanliness Level or better, Lisa-Y ushers you out of the sleeper car and back into the lounge car, where you eat your Lukewarm Fun.
George: "So, does anyone know how long the trip to the IRQ Sector will be?"
Donald (shouting): "No, sir!"
Condi shakes her head.
Alberto: I take notes in my loyalty notepad.
John: I check my PDC's planner.
Dick passes John a note: One daycycle until you reach the IRQ Sector border, plus three daycycles before you reach the ailing reactor.
John: "If we're not there within four daycycles, I'm going to be very sorry."
Samuel: "And hopefully that's the longest possible time. We could be there much sooner, right?"
Tom: I raise my can of Bouncy Bubble Beverage. "Here's to a quiet and incident-free journey."
John: "Here here."
Dick: At that moment, the cabin lights go out, plunging you into complete darkness.
There is a long moment of silence as everyone scrambles to write a note to pass to Dick.
Condi passes a note to Dick: Diving out of my chair and crawling in the direction of the food preparation area.
Samuel passes a note to Dick: Readying my truncheon and crawling under the table.
Tom passes a note to Dick: Slipping silently out of my chair and putting my back to an outside wall out of arm's reach of any windows.
Donald passes a note to Dick: Diving out of my chair and under the nearest other table while getting my laser ready.
Alberto passes a note to Dick: Hastily finishing the rest of my Once-Hot Fun and Bouncy Bubble Beverage.
John passes a note to Dick: Drawing my laser and crawling under the table.
George passes a note to Dick: I draw my laser and try to hit the Commie mutant traitor pinata with the butt of it.
Dick passes a note to Alberto: Have a point of Perversity.
Dick passes a note to George: Have a point of Perversity.
Dick: John-R and Samuel-R, you nearly collide under the table.
Dick rolls some dice in secret.
Dick: The crimson beam of a laser from the Tech Services area streaks across the lounge car and burns Alberto-R's nostrils shut just as he is about to take a bite of Hot Fun. Treat it as snafued.
Alberto: Um, ouch. I drop to the floor, clutching my burned nose.
John: "So, Samuel-R, is this the most energy efficient room you've ever seen?"
Samuel: "No, John-R. I can't see anything."
Dick: Perversity point for each of you. Alphabetical, now. Condi.
Condi passes a note to Dick: Taking cover in the food prep area.
Dick: Right. Donald?
Donald: Firing at the source of the laser. Energy Weapons 10.
Dick: Roll it.
Donald rolls - 17.
Dick: George?
George: "Ooo! A laser light show!" I stand there and watch. "I can't seem to find the pinata. I don't think this stick is long enough."
Dick: Have a point of Perversity.
Donald (ooc): Wait. What's your tic, George?
George (ooc): Post-kegger stress syndrome. I have flashbacks to wild parties under pressure.
Samuel (ooc): Wow. That one's going to be as disruptive as mine.
John (ooc): You broke the shower, didn't you?
Dick: John. What are you doing?
John: Sorry.
John passes a note to Dick: Why not? Rolling a grenade in the direction of the laser. Violence is 4.
Dick: I'll roll.
Dick rolls in secret - 1.
Dick: An explosion rocks the back of the lounge as shrapnel and debris shower everyone. Samuel?
Samuel: Crawling in the direction opposite from the explosion.
Dick: Tom?
Tom passes a note to Dick: Setting the lamp/fogger on the nearest elevated surface, setting it on clap, and moving toward the explosion while keeping as close to the wall as possible.
Dick: That's two actions, but okay. More lasers slice across the lounge from the Power Services side.
George: "All we need now is tech music to go with it. Yeah!"
Dick rolls a die in secret - 3.
Dick: One of them hits George-R, burning a hole through the reflec over his chest and cooking some of the muscle there. You're wounded. Alberto?
Alberto: Still snafued?
Dick: No. That was last round.
Alberto: Returning fire toward the Power Services side. Energy is 12.
Dick: Roll it.
Alberto rolls - 18.
Dick: Condi?
Condi passes a note to Dick: Firing in the general direction of the Power Services side, but deliberately aiming short of the door. Energy 12.
Dick passes a note to Condi: Roll it and show the result only to me.
Condi rolls in secret - 7.
Dick: A scarlet beam cuts toward the Power Services entrance but hits a table, instead, which glows briefly as it scorches.
Condi: The whole table glows?
Dick: No, just a small part where the laser hit. Sorry. Donald?
Donald: Firing at the source of the lasers.
Dick: Roll.
Donald rolls - 15.
Dick: George, you're snafued this round. What are you doing?
George: Tucking and rolling under one of the less crowded tables.
Dick: John?
John: Taking a pot shot in the direction of the attackers before crawling as quickly as I can toward the nearest window. Energy is 8.
Dick: Roll.
John rolls - 17.
Dick: Samuel?
Samuel: Following John-R's lead. Energy is 8.
Dick: Roll.
Samuel rolls - 7.
Dick: You hear a cry of pain as you hit your target. Tom?
Tom: Doing what I told you last turn. Clapping as I find a corner, though. Ready to document.
Dick: With two claps, an electric lamp suddenly flickers on where it sits on a table near one of the windows. You see the collateral damage from the grenade. Byron-R is on the ground nearby, clutching the stump of his left leg. Tim-O and his technicians are taking aim at the opposite end of the car. On the other side of the car, Lisa-Y's technicians are pointing their lasers at the Tech Services side of the car. Your team is scattered throughout the car at varying points of cover. Tom-R is hiding in a shadow in a corner of the lounge car, silently documenting whatever happens next. Alberto?
Alberto: Clutching my nose with one hand, I return to my chair and endeavor to finish off the last of my Hot Fun.
Dick: Condi?
Condi: I holster my laser and run over to examine George-R's injury. "You're hurt! How can I make it better?"
Dick: Donald?
Donald: Grabbing the bullhorn mic and speaking into it. "Hold your fire unless you're a Commie mutant traitor. Something treasonous must have cut the power to the lights."
George: "I-I'm okay, I think. Thank you, Condi-R. Byron-R needs medical attention more than I do, right now."
John: Holstering my laser and getting up.
Samuel: Ditto "I'll go get the docbots."
Tom: Documenting in silence.
Lisa-Y: "Conrad-R is already fetching them."
Dick: On cue, three docbots roll into the lounge.
Alberto: I let them do their work on me.
George: Ditto.
Dick: They patch you up in a jiffy. Byron-R apparently is a lot more work. The docbot mutters to itself in binary an awful lot and keeps pumping syringes into him, but Byron-R keeps screaming all the louder.
Donald passes a note to Dick: Is the screaming the cause or the effect of the docbot's ministrations? Medical is 10.
Dick rolls in secret - 12.
Dick passes a note to Donald: The docbot appears to be doing its best.
Dick: Eventually, Byron-R stops screaming and starts convulsing. The docbot jabs him one last time, after which Byron-R goes limp. It turns to Lisa-Y. "I'm sorry, citizen. His injuries were too serious. There was nothing I could do to save him."
Samuel passes a note to Dick: Wetware is 8. Did the docbot just murder the patient?
Dick rolls in secret - 4.
Dick passes a note to Samuel: Yep.
Samuel: "Who threw the grenade? That was a very reckless course of action."
No one answers.
Samuel: "Remember, I checked everyone's equipment earlier. I know how many grenades you had. It's time to do a quick count."
Dick: Anyone refusing?
No one does.
Dick: Samuel-R, everyone you inspected appears to have their original count of grenades.
Samuel: "Wait. John-R, you're the only one I didn't inspect."
John: "Actually, Samuel-R, you didn't inspect any of the Power Services technicians, either."
Lisa-Y: "None of us threw any grenades, John-R. We didn't even know there was a firefight in the lounge until that explosion."
Condi (tunelessly): "This is no time to argue. Someone caused the power outage that led to this confusion."
George: "Condi-R is right. There is definitely a traitor among us, and we need to find out who it is before he strikes again."
Alberto: "Is everyone where they're supposed to be? Lisa-Y, get a head count. You too, Tim-O."
Lisa-Y: "You can't give me orders, RED. I outrank you."
Condi (in a mesmerizing, singsong voice): "You're absolutely right, Lisa-Y. We wouldn't dream of treating you and your technicians with anything less than the respect you deserve. However, my teammates and I are deeply concerned with your safety and well-being. It is, after all, our sole mission to escort you, your technicians, and the contents of this transbot to our mutual destination."
George: "Condi-R is right. We've already suffered one casualty. We can't afford to suffer more."
Lisa-Y: "Very well. We'll gather together in the lounge for a role call. Tim-O, bring your group."
Tim-O: "Of course, Lisa-Y."
Dick: You all gather around the dull light of Tom-R's electric lamp, and Lisa-Y calls role nearby.
Lisa-Y: "Has anyone seen Conrad-R?"
Dick: No one answers.
Lisa-Y: "Team, one of our technicians is missing."

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge