Strangers in a Corridor

March 5, 2005

Dick: You each arrive outside a small, metal, sliding door marked with the coordinates of your briefing room. Six other RED troubleshooters arrive at roughly the same time. Who wants to arrive first?
Donald: I will.
Dick: You notice what looks like a red plasticred lying on the corridor floor outside the door.
Donald: How's the surveillance? Stealth is 6.
Dick: The only camera looking at the door sweeps from side to side, giving you a few seconds to act without getting caught in the camera. You hear the sound of footsteps coming down the corridor toward you, just around the bend that obscures your view of them.
Donald: I pick up the credit and pocket it quickly, moving my boot into position over where it was a moment ago so it looks like I'm just standing on it.
Dick: Okay. Take a Perversity point and mark treason code 1 on your character. The rest of you arrive to see Donald-R standing innocently outside a sliding, metal door.
Tom: From my position of concealment in the most shadowy part of the corridor, I snap a picture of Donald-R standing innocently. "I couldn't agree with you more, my friend. No one can look that innocent unless they are guilty of something. You can be sure I will find out what he's hiding and bring him to justice for his crimes against you."
Donald: Are you saying that to anyone in particular or just muttering to yourself?
Tom: I am most certainly speaking to someone even better-concealed than I am. That or I'm addressing myshadow.
John: I look at Tom with a bright smile reserved for the broken-minded. "Do you speak to your shadow because you think it is someone else, or do you address it because you wish you had real, human friends who would spend time with you?"
Tom: "I am speaking to my friend, citizen - the only friend who matters."
John: "Well, whoever you're talking to, he obviously isn't responding. You may consider him your best friend, but it seems to me that the sentiment is not returned. Perhaps you should consider giving him some space."
Tom: I talk to the shadow, again. "You're right. He isn't." He then ignores John-R.
Dick: Both of you, take a Perversity point.
Samuel: I casually knock every other light loose with a heavy truncheon to reduce energy consumption, seeming almost not to notice the presence of other people in the corridor.
George: I turn to one of the other troubleshooters. "Any idea what our mission might be about?"
Condi (singing to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody): "No, no, no, no no no no no!"
George: I turn to one of the others. "How about you?"
Alberto: I narrow my eyes at him and slowly slide my brain scanner out. "Do you know something about the mission that you shouldn't, citizen?"
George: "Of course not. I accidentally pressed the delete button on my PDC before I could finish reading the mission alert. I was fortunate enough to remember my destination, really. Otherwise, I might not have gotten here at all."
Alberto: I slowly put the scanner back in its holster. "This is Operation IRQ Freedom. We're to report to this briefing room to meet with Jacques-Y-CHC-2. We're helping restore power to a sector that is experiencing technical difficulties. You should be more careful with your instructions, citizen."
George: "I'm sorry, citizen. It won't happen again. I'm George-R-BSH-1."
Alberto: "Alberto-R-GZS-1."
Condi (singing tunelessly): "Condi-R-ICE-1."
Tom: "You are a refreshingly happy citizen, Condi-R. You like to sing?"
Condi: She stutters maddeningly. "Uh-uh-I h-h-h-a-a-ve uh-uh-a s-s-s-s-s-s-peech i-i-i-im-muh-muh-pedi-mm-mm-ment." She sings a C Major scale. "I can speak perfectly well as long as I'm singing. I like to sing, but my songs serve two purposes - lifting spirits and allowing me to communicate."
Tom: "Tom-R-IDG-1."
Samuel: I wave absently as I knock another bulb loose. "Samuel-R-BMN-1."
George: I turn to the shadowy man's companion. "And what's your name, citizen?"
John (heaving a sigh): "John-R-SNO-1."
George: "How about you, big guy?"
Donald (shouting): "Donald-R-UMY-1, sir!"
George: I cower and whimper. "I swear, I only had one can of triple-B, officer. I just wanted to know what it tasted like. My stomach feels funny." After a few seconds, I recover. "Sorry about that, citizens. My psyche file is not entirely without baggage."
Donald: "You know what would help? Jogging. Seriously, after twenty kilometers on a treadmill, all your other problems just seem so small and unimportant."
John: "Why do you run away from your problems, Donald? When you're on a treadmill, you never actually go anywhere. You know that, don't you?"
Donald (shouting): "Of course, sir! I have no problems, sir! The Commie mutant traitors are the ones with the problem!"
John: "Then why are you shouting?"
Donald (shouting): "Military upbringing, sir!"
John: "You're a military man, then?"
Donald (shouting): "No, sir! Focus Gatherer for CPU, sir!"
Samuel: "Volunteer collector, eh? I was voluntold to take one of those CPU surveys, once. Finally got it right on the third try. Why do you even take a survey if you've already decided on the results?"
Donald (shouting): "Surveys must be taken, sir!" He pauses.
George: "Please elaborate, Donald-R."
Donald: "If clones didn't consume products, there would be less demand for products. Lower demand means fewer clones needed to produce. Fewer clones means less consumption.
George: "Very astute. Population growth is controlled by product consumption. It is easier and more cost effective to market an existing product than it is to invent a new kind of product."
Tom (whispering to Condi and Tom): "Have you accepted the Computer as your personal savior?"
Condi: I sing a verse of "The Computer Is My Friend. I Shall Not Want."
Alberto: "The Computer is the only thing protecting us from Them."
Tom: "The Commie mutant traitors, right?"
Alberto: "Yes, the filthy mutie scum." I eye Tom-R's registered mutant markings.
Tom: I pluck at the yellow stripe that marks me as a mutant. "I used to wonder how the Computer could have allowed this to happen to me. Sometimes, I even blamed my Friend for my predicament. I was ashamed, and so I hid my mutation. But then I realized that my Maker must have had some reason for giving me this genetic oddity. I repented and confessed my treason to the Computer. The Computer did not turn me away for my weakness, citizen. The Computer turns away no one who accepts its teachings into their heart. Instead, it assigned me to Internal Security, where my mutation would be of great use to the citizens of Alpha Complex. If you condemn what I am, Alberto-R, you condemn the One who made me."
Alberto: "What's your mutation, then? How will it help us complete this important mission for the Computer?"
Tom: "I am not sure that that information is available at your security clearance, citizen. Why don't you ask the Computer? It has chosen to dwell in your PDC so you could ask it for guidance."
Alberto: I hesitate for just a moment, an expression of horror crossing my face for just a moment before turning to the briefing room door. Trying to open it.
Dick: Both of you, Perversity Point. The briefing room door remains closed.
Alberto: I try knocking on it.
Dick: No response.
Alberto: Is there a physical keyhole.
Dick: There is a place to swipe a ME card. Do you want to try wiping your card in the door and see what happens?
Alberto: Not yet, no. Was there a specific time given in our mission alert?
Dick: Nope.
Alberto: I drum my fingers idly on the door.
Condi: I pick up the cadence and start singing a song about the courage of a Troubleshooter.
Donald: I start performing calisthenics as I sing along and motion for everyone else to join me.
Alberto: I quickly join in song and calisthenics.
George: I join in.
Tom: Joining in.
Samuel: Just to make sure someone does something to get us into the briefing room on time, I swipe my ME card through the card reader.
Dick: Take a Perversity point and write a 2 on your character sheet.
Samuel: Treason code?
Dick: Yep. The red light on the swiper turns yellow, but the door remains closed.
Samuel: Checking to see if it will open.
Dick: Nope.
Samuel: Joining the song and jumping jacks, then.
John: I sigh and watch them.
Tom: "Do you abhor physical exercise because you feel like you have no talents that separate you from the INFRAREDs, citizen?"
John: "Of course not. I am concerned that our exertions outside of a designated exercise area might negatively impact the team's Personal Hygiene Level and reflect poorly on our concern with keeping the corridors odor-free."
Alberto: I immediately stop.
Tom: So do I.
George: I slow to a stop.
Samuel: Cowed by peer pressure, I stop.
Condi: I regretfully stop exercising, but I don't stop singing.
John: "Why do you hate the Computer so much, Donald-R?"
Donald: In this particular case, I stop singing and stop exercising out of sheer embarrassment, pretending I didn't hear the question.
Dick: Perversity point, John. Just about the time you get the corridor camera's lens positively foggy with the moisture of your perspiration, a YELLOW turns the corridor corner. "Hello, citizens. Can I help you find something?"
John: "Please, citizen. We received orders from the Computer to come here at once. Operation IRQ Freedom?"
Dick: The YELLOW frowns. "That's strange. The message I got from the Computer simply said to go to my office."
John: "Is this the briefing room?"
Dick: He swipes his ME card in the door lock. "Does it look like a briefing room?" The door slides open, revealing a small office. there is a desk, a plush office chair, and two serviceable guest chairs. The office is decorated with personal mementos, posters of vidshow heroes, and a number of motivational posters. "You must have the wrong place, citizens."
Alberto: "But our orders specifically state..."
Dick: "Seriously, now. I have important business to attend to in my office. I don't want to keep the Computer waiting, and take my word for it - neither do you. I suggest you find the right briefing room." He passes through the door, which closes swiftly and silently behind him.
Tom passes a note to Dick: I casually check the orders on my PDC.
Dick passes a note to Tom: These are definitely the correct coordinates.
John: "What are the chances that all of us mistook the coordinates in our orders the same way?"
George: "Maybe our orders were sabotaged enroute to our PDCs by Commies who didn't want us to complete this undoubtedly important mission."
Samuel: I flip open my PDC. "Friend Computer?"
Dick: Have a point of Perversity and write a 3 on your character sheet.
Samuel: Gotcha.
Computer: "At your service."
Samuel: "Is this the correct location of our briefing room?"
Computer: "No, citizen."
Condi (singing tunelessly): "We must be in the wrong place."
George: "We need to find the correct coordinates."
Alberto: "At least only the text was sabotaged."
Samuel: I motion them into silence. "Are we about three meters away from our briefing room?"
Computer: "Yes, citizen, and your briefing officer is anxiously awaiting your arrival."
Samuel: "And is the briefing room just beyond that door over there?"
Computer: "I'm sorry. That information is not available at your security clearance."
Samuel: Are there any other doors or other potential exits within three meters?
Dick: No.
Samuel: "Thank you, friend Computer." I end the call. "That was our briefing room."
Condi (singing tunelessly): "How are we going to get in?"
Samuel: I eye the card reader on the door meaningfully but say nothing.
Tom: I take a picture of Samuel eying the card reader meaningfully.
George: "That won't be necessary. Jacques-Y will be out here in just a minute, just as soon as he reads the Computer's orders."
Donald: "The ones that put him in such a hurry to get to his office?"
George: I nod.
Condi: I glance up at the camera and sing pianissimo, "Unless he pins the blame on us."
George: I shrug.
Tom: I take a picture of the time on my watch with the number on the door clearly visible in the background.
Condi: Pianissimo again. "At least not very late."
Donald: I set my jaw in determination to deal with whatever happens next.
Dick: Ten minutes later, the door to Jacques-Y's office opens. "Get in here! You're late."
Tom: I suppress a smile as I comply, keeping to the shadows and finding a spot in the corner of the room.
Everyone goes inside.
Dick: The briefing room door closes swiftly and silently behind you, creating a soundproof and airtight barrier between you and the corridor you were just in. The YELLOW in the comfortable chair on the other side of the desk motions to the two chairs. "Take a seat. I'm Jacques-Y-CHC-1, and I'll be your briefing officer for this important mission."
George: I take a seat.
Donald: I'll remain standing.
John: I'll take the other seat.
Condi passes a note to Dick: What's the surveillance like? High Alert 14.
Alberto passes a note to Dick: How many cameras are in the room and what are their fields of view? High Alert 10.
Dick rolls dice secretly. Alberto fails with a 19. Condi succeeds with a 4.
Dick passes a note to Alberto: Three conspicuous cameras, but you're sure there are more hidden in all the gewgaws scattered around the office.
Dick passes a note to Condi: The room has three conspicuously placed cameras but no noticeable hidden ones. You also notice a framed official commendation on the wall is signed by Kofi-B-NEN-4.
Tom passes a note to Dick: Snapping a few quick pictures of the room with my PDC. Putting my hands in my pockets, one of which has a bug hidden in it.
Dick: And that's where we'll end for the night.

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge