The Great Transbot Robbery

September 27, 2005

Dick: Autocar #4 is now moving closer to the rear platform of the caboose. The third uninjured thug in the autocar is standing up. Alberto-R?
Alberto: Are any of the autocars in range anymore?
Dick: No. The closest one is coming up behind the caboose.
Alberto: I'll clamber back across the roof of the caboose so I can get in a better position to fire at the goons in the autocar, then.
Dick: Make me an Agility roll.
Alberto: Spending 2 Perversity to raise it to 10.
Alberto rolls - 5.
Dick: Because no one is paying attention to you, at the moment (much less firing at you), you have little trouble running to the back of the caboose roof. Condi-R?
Condi: In a singsong voice like a teacher instructing a kindergarten class, I address the technicians. "Okay, we are about to be boarded. Get your weapons ready to shoot the Commies, okay?
Dick: Give me an Oratory.
Condi: Spending 5 Pervs to increase it to 19.
Condi rolls - 9.
Dick: The technicians chatter like excited children as they get their lasers ready to blast the Commies. Donald-R?
Donald: I'm snafued this turn, so I can't attack. I'm going to holster my laser as I run to the back of the lounge car. The first thug to board gets a knuckle sandwich.
Dick: Okay. George-R?
George: I'm also snafued. I'm going to make a tactical withdrawal into the caboose.
George passes Dick a note: I'm going to pull out the Thymoglandin and get it ready to inject someone with it next turn.
Dick: John-R?
John: I'll follow my brave leader as I take a half-hearted shot at the standing thug.
John rolls - 7.
Dick: The laser is badly aimed, merely scratching the paint on the hood of the autocar. Samuel-R?
Samuel: I'm going to screw up my courage, heft my lead truncheon, and hustle toward the caboose.
Dick: You can get just inside the entrance of the caboose this turn. Tom-R?
Tom: There are still four thugs left in #1, aren't there?
Dick: Yes. It seems likely one of them will make a jump for the gap between Power Services sleeper and engine, this turn. They're lining up for it.
Tom: I speak to the air beside me. "Some causes require us to kill - others, to die." I draw my katana and make a flying leap for the driver.
Dick: Roll Agility, and if you succeed, you can roll Hand Weapons.
Tom: Spending 5 Pervs on Agility for 13.
Tom rolls - 1.
Tom: Spending 5 more Pervs on the attack for 21.
Tom rolls - 8.
Dick: No one notices the RED ninja watching from the top of the transbot. You leap with perfect balance onto the hood of the autocar directly in front of the driver. He doesn't even have time to swerve before your blade removes the head from his shoulders.
Dick rolls in secret - 20.
Dick: The autocar veers sharply, forcing one of the other thugs to grab the wheel. The thug who is standing falls out of the autocar and rolls under the grinding wheels of the transbot.
Dick: Tom-R, make me another Agility check.
Tom rolls - 4.
Dick: You fall into the vehicle instead of out of it.
Dick rolls in secret - 2.
Dick: The fourth thug slugs you in the jaw where you're lying. You see spots (snafued). In autocar #2, one of the thugs jumps into the gap between lounge car and the Tech Services sleeper. The last non-driving thug stands up to follow him. The thug on the hood of autocar #4 jumps onto the landing of the caboose. The other two non-drivers spot Alberto-R and take pot shots at him.
Alberto: Spending 4 Perversity to reduce the chances of either of them hitting.
Dick: Four total or four each?
Alberto: Four each.
Dick rolls in secret - 18 and 13.
Dick: The thug on the hood is clearly getting in the way of their sight line. Their slugs whiz by on either side of you, not even coming close. Alberto-R?
Alberto: I'm running out of Perversity, here. I'll return fire with my laser, aiming for the driver.
Alberto rolls - 10.
Dick: You hit him in the chest. He grits his teeth and keeps driving. Condi-R?
Condi: Any thugs who come into this sleeper car are in for a hell of a surprise.
Dick: Ah yes. Noted. Donald-R?
Donald: When the thug gets out of the firing line of the autocar somewhat, I'm going to slug him.
Dick: He's close enough.
Donald: Spending 2 Pervs.
Donald rolls - 1.
Dick: Your fist flattens his nose and sends him flying backward into the gap between the two cars (wounded). George-R?
George: Time to make John-R a martyr for the cause.
John (ooc): What?
Dick: Treat it as a Hand Weapon.
George: Spending 5 Pervs.
John: Can I spend 5 Pervs to veto?
Dick: Yes.
George rolls - 6.
Dick: John-R, as you back into the caboose, you feel a searing pain in your rear end. The pain fades into a drug-induced desire to kill, kill, KILL! Also, the world seems to move in slow motion around you. Your Violence specialties are doubled, and you get two attacks per turn. What are you doing?
John: I'm doing what any wild animal would do if someone stabbed it in the ass without provocation. I shoot George-R in the face twice with my laser. Energy is not 16. Not even bothering to spend Perversity.
George: This is unexpected. Can I spend Bills?
Dick: Yes.
George: Spending 5 to protect myself from each.
John rolls - 7 and 9.
Dick: Both shots hit George-R square in the chest, but the reflec absorbs the blasts.
George: Nevertheless, I'm going to play dead.
Dick: Samuel-R?
Samuel: There's a thug on the back platform, isn't there?
Dick: Yes.
Samuel: Taking aim and shooting the motherfucker. 5 Pervs for Energy 13.
Samuel rolls - 17.
Dick: John-R is in your way. You manage not to hit him or attract his attention, but you don't hit the thug, either. Tom-R?
Tom: I'm snafued, so I can't attack, this turn. Any of the thugs have, say, a bandolier of grenades?
Dick: Spend 5 Perversity, and I'll say yes.
Tom: Doing it.
Dick: If you avoid being snafued again this turn, I'll let you grab one as an Unarmed attack. Autocar #1. The punchy thug continues to be punchy.
Tom: Spending 5 Pervs to throw off his aim.
Dick rolls in secret - 8.
Dick: The new driver is struggling to stay in control of the vehicle, swerving all over the road. The thug tries to punch you again, but he instead leans over you, putting his grenades within reach of one of your hands. Autocar #2 continues to stay close to the gap between the lounge and the Technical Services sleeper. A second thug makes the jump onto the transbot. The thug on the floor of the lounge scrambles away from Donald-R and past the new arrival, grasping for his slugthrower. Autocar #4 continues to tail the caboose. The thug in the caboose shoots at John-R with his laser pistol.
John: Spending 5 Pervs to protect myself.
Dick rolls in secret - 1.
Dick: Despite the chaotic movements of his target, the thug manages to hit John-R in the leg, crippling him (maimed). One of the thugs in the autocar fires his slugthrower at Alberto-R.
Alberto: 1 Perv to defend.
Dick rolls in secret - 17.
Dick: The autocar hits a small bump, an the slug flies wide. The other non-driving thug makes the jump onto the platform of the caboose. Alberto-R?
Alberto: I return fire.
Alberto rolls - 13.
Dick: The laser just barely misses. Condi-R?
Condi: Still soothing the technicians.
George (ooc): In the future, Friend Computer should make you the R&C. You're a lot less prone to letting harm come to the multicorder.
John (ooc): You know, she's just better at looking for an excuse to stay out of combat than the rest of us are.
Dick: Donald-R?
Donald: I'll slug the new arrival across the jaw, too. Spending 2 Pervs to raise Unarmed to 12.
Donald rolls - 10.
Dick: Your fist connects to his jaw, turning his head. He turns it back to look at you, fury building in his eyes as he draws his slugthrower.
Donald (ooc): Uh oh.
Dick: George-R.
George: I'm going to continue to play dead. Hopefully, John-R and Samuel-R have this under control. Who's good at finding an excuse to get out of combat, now?
Dick: Make a Management roll - unless you have something like Play Dead as a narrow specialty...
George: Oo! Can I buy that?
Dick: Sure.
George: That puts me up to 15.
George rolls - 12.
Dick: You seem to be playing dead really well.
George (ooc): I should have spent Bills to play dead.
John (ooc): Spent Pervs on that? You have the best Energy rating of any of us. Why don't you just blast these guys? They aren't even wearing reflec!
George (ooc): Maybe if you bribe me...
John (ooc): Gah!
Dick: John-R?
John: Drug haze doesn't help with the snafu, does it?
Dick: Unfortunately not.
John: I'm going to take cover behind the crates. Let me know if there is any funny smoke coming out of them.
Dick: You limp toward the crates. Samuel-R.
Samuel: Shooting at the thugs again. 5 Pervs for Energy 13.
Samuel rolls - 2.
Dick: And with a margin of 11, the laser catches one of the thugs in the throat, melting it shut and leaving him standing there with eyes wide, gasping uselessly for air and suffering from multiple impassable blood vessels in his neck. Tom-R?
Tom: I pull the pin on one of the grenades in the bandolier and jump out of the autocar.
Dick: One action at a time, Tom. Either you pull the pin on the grenade or you scramble out of the autocar.
Tom (ooc): That's a tough choice.
Condi (ooc): Look at it this way. What are the chances you'll survive falling out of an autocar moving as fast as a transbot, and do you really think you'll be able to get back on the transbot once you're not in a moving vehicle anymore?
Tom (ooc): You have a point...
Condi (ooc): It's the mutie way, Tom-R! Take one for the team, scapegoat. Pull the pin! Pull the pin!
The rest of the table takes up the chant: Pull the pin! Pull the pin! Pull the pin!
Tom sighs.
Tom: I pull the pin of the grenade.
Dick: Have 3 Perversity, Tom-R. Condi-R, have 2 Pervs. The rest of you 1 Perv. I'll roll it.
Dick rolls in secret and ignores the result.
Dick: As the thug continues to pummel you, you pull the pin on the grenade, which makes a distinct clicking noise. The thug hesitates, obviously recognizing the sound. He sits up and spots the pin in your hand. In a long, pregnant pause, he slowly looks down at his bandolier. Seeing that one of his grenades is missing the pin, he scrambles to get it out of the bandolier and away from him. The grenade slips out of its place but rolls out of his fingers and onto the floor. Both of you stand up to jump out of the autocar just as the grenade explodes. The shrapnel kills him, maims you, and wounds the driver, who veers dangerously for the fraction of a second it takes for the autocar's fuel to ignite explosively. The autocar bursts like a larger version of the grenade, killing everyone inside.

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge