Remember the Transbot 7510-J

June 23, 2005

Dick: Condi-R?
Condi: I'll draw my laser and take cover behind Samuel-R.
Dick: Donald-R?
Donald: I'm putting up the flamethrower and making a tactical retreat to the entrance of the platform.
Dick: You have no trouble performing that maneuver before the Zulus charge. George-R?
George: I stab the INFRARED with the intact blade. Violence 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 15.
Dick: The knife falls out of your sweat-slicked hands as you thrust with it.
George: Crap.
Dick: John-R?
John: Taking a pot shot at the truncheon-wielder before fleeing to cover near Lisa-Y. Violence is all of 4.
Dick rolls in secret - 11.
Dick: He ducks out of the telegraphed path of your laser, but you are now safely next to Lisa-Y. Samuel-R?
Samuel: Dropping the flamethrower and drawing the slugthrower as I take cover behind Condi-R.
Dick: Everyone's taking cover behind everyone else. Tom-R?
Tom: Sneak and chop.
Dick rolls in secret - 13 and 15.
Dick: You cut one but fail entirely to decapitate. He screams out in pain. Hey. That just might have blown your cover, Shinobi.
Tom: Uh oh.
Condi (ooc): See? Again with the uh oh.
Dick: The INFRARED with the stolen semi-automatic slugthrower flees toward the exit. He'll be out of the firing line on the next turn, unless someone takes action to stop him this turn. The corridor Donald-R was guarding is now swarming with armed INFRAREDs and REDs with improvised weapons. They'll reach the platform next turn.
Dick rolls in secret and ignores the result.
Dick: Mob #2 has split. Half are now on the platform and swarming to perpetrate an act of violence on Samuel-R and Condi-R. The other half beat Tom-R within an inch of his life (wounded) and take his weapons and equipment.
Dick rolls in secret - 5 and 18.
Dick: The technicians rout the remnants of mob #1. They even manage to take a couple prisoners.
Condi (ooc): Wow. You guys suck worse than a bunch of surly technicians.
George (ooc): Bite me.
Dick: The INFRARED with the broken blade scrambles for the fallen knife. The one who missed takes another stab at George-R.
Dick rolls in secret - 1.
Dick: The knife sinks through the kevlar and into your stomach. Wow. That sure smarts. You're down for the rest of the combat. Lisa-Y draws her laser and endeavors not to let John-R use her as cover, though she's kind of pinned between the truncheon-wielder and the soon-to-be mob #3. Alberto-R?
Alberto: We got what we came for. Back to the transbot. Advancing toward the fleeing INFRARED with the stolen semi thrower and firing my laser at his back.
Condi (ooc): Semi thrower. You make it sound like a gun that fires 18-wheelers.
Dick rolls in secret and ignores the result.
Dick: You pull the trigger, but all that happens is the warning LED comes on.
Alberto: Maybe it's out of ammo?
Dick: It starts beeping.
Alberto: Ah hell. So much for the Chow Yung Fat charge. Too late to take cover, right?
Dick: Terribly inconvenient, isn't it? Condi-R?
Condi: I must confess that being on the transbot full of advanced weaponry is looking much better than not being on the transbot full of advanced weaponry. I'll fire my laser at any INFRARED in my way and make a run for it. Energy is 12.
Dick rolls in secret - 11.
Dick: You cut a chunk of skin off one's leg, and the others present no immediate obstacle. Donald-R?
Donald: Dropping a grenade at the mouth of the corridor and fleeing toward the transbot. Violence 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 5.
Dick: The blast hurls pieces of mob #3 backward and puts the fear of The Computer into the rest. George-R?
George: Um, bleeding? Moaning? Strike that - well, the moaning, at least. I guess I can play dead and hope they go away, right? Chutzpah and Con Games are 13, and Management is 9.
Dick: Sounds reasonable. The ruse will end the moment one of them checks for a pulse, though, if they buy it at all.
Dick rolls in secret and ignores the result.
Dick: John-R?
John: Dropping a grenade in my wake as I follow Condi-R's and Lisa-Y's noble examples by fleeing for the transbot. Violence is 4. Spending 5 Pervs to make it 9, if you'll let me.
Dick: Sure. Just to be fair, anyone else want to aid or interfere?
No one immediately responds.
Dick: Samuel-R, you and your containment bottle o' flaming death will still be in the blast radius.
Samuel raises his hand.
John: Hey, there's a 50/50 chance I'll drop a Commie hand grenade. I'll even spend 1 Perv to make sure it is. That'll give you time to run for your life.
Dick: You want to spend any Perversity, Samuel?
Samuel: Abstain. Spend your Perv, John.
John: Doing so.
Dick rolls in secret - 17.
Dick: The grenade plays a march and then begins to speak, "Who are our enemies? Who are our friends? This is a question of the first importance for the revolution. The basic reason why all previous reactionary struggles in China achieved so little was their failure to unite with real friends in order to attack real enemies."
Condi (ooc): Has someone been reading Mao?
Dick picks up a little red book from behind the GM screen and waves it.
John (ooc): That seems like a strange thing for a paragon of free markets such as yourself to be reading...
Dick (ooc): I got it from George.
Tom (ooc): Curiouser and curiouser.
George (ooc): I found it in a drawer of my desk in the Oval Office when I got there. I'm guessing one of the previous occupants forgot to bring it with him when he left.
Dick (ooc): Maybe he thought his chosen successor would, you know, succeed him when he left and would be in need of some inspiration.
John (ooc): Wouldn't he have had some advance warning? The election was months before we took over.
Dick (ooc): Well, maybe he was holding out on the off-chance that Florida would flipflop.
Samuel (ooc): Mr. GM Vice President, is it my turn, yet? I had something amusing I wanted to do, if you're done mocking Clinton...
Dick: Thank you, Samuel. Have a point of Perversity.
George (ooc): One Bill for another, eh?
Dick: Samuel-R?
Samuel: Oh goody. I am going to shoot an INFRARED in the face half-heartedly and focus mostly on not getting blasted into a fine red mist by the Commie grenade. Violence is 4.
Dick rolls in secret - 13.
Dick: The INFRAREDs shy away from your slugthrower, so none of them loses an eye. You think you've managed to get out of the radius of the grenade. Tom-R?
Tom: Sneak sneak sneak. Chop!
Dick: Nice try, El Disgusto, but you have just called down the wrath of the Stick of Pain upon yourself. Nothing personal, but declaring impossible actions is still cheating. The INFRARED with George-R treasonously commits theft and gets away with it - at least as far as this combat is concerned. Mob #3 is still dealing with the fact that its members are covered in the blood of their comrades. Mob #2-1 scrambles to get as far away from the propaganda-spouting grenade as possible. Mob #2-2 takes all of Tom-R's possessions. I mean it. You're left naked, shivering, bruised, and bleeding on the transbot tracks. It's too bad about the multicorder. That's really going to take a bite out of your bonus - assuming, of course, that you complete your mission successfully. Mob #1 continues to flee. The INFRAREDs with knives rummage through the contents of the humanitarian relief car before grabbing three crates between the two of them and fleeing ahead of the reinforcements. Lisa-Y continues running toward the transbot. Alberto-R?
Alberto: Trying to fix, unjam, or keep my laser from exploding. Hardware is 4, but...
Alberto sighs.
Alberto: I'll spend 5 Perversity to raise it to 9, if you're okay with that.
Dick: Go ahead.
Dick rolls in secret - 3.
Dick: It appears the laser isn't going to explode or anything, but it is out of ammo. That's why they use chalk and not laser pistols to draw outlines around dead bodies at crime scenes, Alberto. You make it halfway to the transbot, though. Condi-R?
Condi: I feel briefly sorry for Tom-R and his horrible fate, but I keep running. I'm not even going to bother firing my laser unless someone gets in my way.
Dick: You also get halfway to the transbot without incident. Donald-R?
Donald: Not pausing for the propaganda break. Fleeing for my life, at the moment.
Dick: You make it halfway to the transbot, too. George-R plays dead and bleeds.
George: I also moan for a docbot and a B3.
Dick: Okay. John-R?
John: Running a lot.
Dick: You make it halfway there. Samuel-R?
Samuel: Ditto.
Dick: You make it halfway there, too. Nice of all of you to conveniently bunch up.
Tom: Um, sorry?
Dick: Tom-R bleeds. NPCs' turns. Mob #3 emerges onto the platform. Mob #4 emerges from the corridor John-R was wiring to explode. Mob #5 emerges from yet another corridor. The clone back-up of the dead clone George-R found arrives in the transtube. Mob #2-1 immediately drags him down and beats him to death. They quickly collect his equipment.
John (ooc): You know, most GMs number individual opponents. Dick numbers large groups. Anyone else get the feeling we're being hosed?
Dick: Mob #2-2 moves toward the transbot. The INFRARED with the semi-automatic slugthrower sprays the retreating group of brave Troubleshooters.
Dick rolls in secret and ignores the result.
Dick: Lisa-Y's head explodes as a slug hits it. Two of you are merely wounded. Who wants to spend Perversity to avoid the damage? Highest bids keep their skins intact. Alberto will start the bidding.
Alberto: 5.
Condi: 20.
Donald: Jeez. 21.
John: Driving the price right through the roof, Condi? I think you're playing the "make everyone else waste their Perversity" game, again. I'll take the bullet.
Condi (ooc): I'm hurt, John. I just got this clone. I'd like a chance to use my new body before letting it get peppered with slugs.
Samuel: 22.
Alberto: I'm already wounded. I'll take a bullet for the Secretary of State - assuming she outbids Donald and Samuel.
Condi: Too rich for my blood.
John (ooc): I knew it!
Dick: Condi-R, John-R, and Alberto-R are wounded. Donald-R is snafued. Spend the 21 Pervs. Samuel-R is also merely snafued. 22 Pervs from you. So, anyone want to stop and return fire, or do you want to get to the transbot?
Alberto: Running.
Condi: Running
Donald: Yeah.
George: Doc Wagon get here, yet?
Dick: Not yet, no. John-R?
John: Running.
Samuel: Running.
Tom: Crawling?
Dick: Sure. The INFRAREDs don't bother finishing the job, since it would just bring in another clone they'd have to kill. You're still out for the rest of the combat, though.
Tom: Fair enough.
Dick: A siren wails for a few second. The mobs suddenly stop charging and fall back to their original positions, taking their stolen booty with them.
John (ooc): Excellent.
Dick: A contingent of them is probably staking out the transtube, though.
George (ooc): Great. It's like those tubes at the bank, except instead of delivering cash, it delivers free weapons and reflec.
John (ooc): At least my explosion engine is still intact.
Dick: It most certainly is, but the perimeter defense lasers have come back online. What do you think that siren was supposed to signal?
George (ooc): This is just not our day, is it? We accomplished nothing we needed to do at the transtube.
Condi (ooc): Yes we did. Guess who has spoken to The Computer and has new orders to give you?
Tom (ooc): Can we at least get patched up by the docbot, first? I'm kind of suffering from internal bleeding, over here.
Samuel (ooc): You deserved it, Tom.
Tom (ooc): Can't blame a fellow for trying, can you? I got stupid.
Dick: You most certainly did, Jayne.
George (ooc): Hate to say it, but this situation looks like George-R's last stand.
Dick (ooc): I actually had a different desperate final defense in mind. The only thing missing is Davy Crockett.
George (ooc): That, too.

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge