That Was Easier Than Expected

May 31, 2005

Dick: Rather than banishing Condi to an isolation chamber as is generally customary, I've decided to let her stay here at the gaming table for a little while longer.
John (ooc): Don't you feel honored, Condi? He never lets us do that. Some of us don't find out we're risking our lives needlessly. Some of us are allowed to think we've succeeded at a task until the bitter moment when our failure beats us to death with a lead pipe.
George (ooc): Dick has his reasons, John, and I'm sure Condi will feel nearly as cheated as you once he's done letting her watch whatever he's letting her watch.
Condi (ooc; with exaggerated enthusiasm): Thank you, friend Gamemaster for this rare opportunity!
Dick: You're not your character.
Condi (ooc): Of course not. Condi-R would have sung it.
John (ooc): Good point.
Dick (ooc): And then you wonder why my Alpha Complex hates you so much, John...
John (ooc): I don't wonder. I know. If we didn't want to play ourselves as Troubleshooters, why did we all make characters with pun names based on our own?
Dick (ooc): Because I have to remember too many dumb things as it is. Remembering seven new fictional names just seemed like too much work.
George (ooc): And *I'm* the lazy one?
Dick (ooc): I've been a CEO. I work smart, not hard.
Samuel (ooc; tentatively): I'm ready to play, Mr. Gamemaster sir.
Dick: Of course. Have a point of Perversity, Samuel. I believe your brave and noble team leader was about to reveal his master plan.
George: "We need reconnaissance, first off. I want to know who shot Lisa-Y and how many traitors we're dealing with here. Step two is to secure the transtubes. To do that, we'll need to secure all three corridors against all threats until Lisa-Y and Condi-R arrive with any amendments to our orders."
Gordan-O: "Without relying on the support of my technicians."
George: "Without relying on the support of the technicians."
John: "You understand that I'll be needed on the transbot to oversee the repairs, right?"
George: "Pass the blueprints to Gordan-O's technicians. I'm sure we can count on him to see that the transbot is ready to go by the time we get back."
John: I make a few quick modifications to the instructions before handing over the blueprints. "Yes, sir. I've sketched out a prototype of an engine made out of the explosives in the humanitarian cargo car. It should be safe. You don't get far in R&D by causing uncontrolled explosions, you know. Just make sure you stick to the plans. Otherwise, you might blow the transbot completely. I calculate that the resulting explosion that would result from all the combustibles we have at the same time would probably bring down the ceiling of the station. The only way the IRQ Sector's reactor is going to get the nuclear materials then is with mining equipment. Good luck." I head toward the exit, turning briefly to my teammates. "Guys, if you hear an explosion behind us, make a run for it and don't look back."
Gordan-O: "Looks easy. I think a third year apprentice could design this thing. Hey, is that a math error?"
Dick: Gordan-O's technicians clearly do not share his confidence in their ability to improve upon your original design.
John passes a note to Dick: I hope not. I just erased the instructions for detonating this thing safely. Unless they have a blow man of their own, they're not going anywhere without us.
John (ooc): Except hell, of course.
Dick: Yes. That's a given, though, isn't it? Have a Perversity point.
George: "We're dealing with slugthrowers. I want everyone suited up in kevlar and equipped for heavy combat. John-R, Tom-R, and I will open with cone rifle shells to each of the three corridors. Alberto-R, Donald-R, and Samuel-R, I want you to go in with grenades and flamethrowers and burn out any Commies that survive. Tom-R and I will provide cover fire with semiauto throwers before moving in to back you up. Once we've evacked the YELLOW and the messenger, John-R will place charges and blow the entrances shut behind us. Suit up and get ready."
John: "Question, team leader. What if the Commie mutant traitors reactivate the perimeter defense matrix? We'll have nowhere to go but backward, which is exactly where they'll be expecting us to go."
George: "Good point. Before you bring down the station, John-R, you'll return to the control room and permanently disable the defenses. There are EMP grenades here. They might help. The whole team's counting on you, John-R."
John: "Who's going to evacuate me if I get stuck behind enemy lines?"
George: I slap him on the back good-naturedly. "We'll wash those sheets when the Bed Inspectors come, John-R."
Dick: So, who's taking what? Anyone planning to disobey orders? Alberto-R?
Alberto: Strapping myself into the kevlar. Taking a slugthrower as a sidearm in case the grenades and flamethrower aren't enough.
Dick: As soon as you put on the kevlar, a speaker in the vest says, "Please stand by for a message from our sponsor. This advertisement will not interfere with your body armor's performance."
John (ooc): I'm beginning to think we're all going to need a serious brainscrub, by the time this mission is over...
Dick: The speakers play a stirring song excerpt involving the firing of cannons. The music fades to a dull hum and a man's voice speaks over it, "The imperialists are bullying us in such a way that we will have to deal with them seriously. Not only must we have a powerful regular army, we must also organize contingents of the people's militia on a big scale. This will make it difficult for the imperialists to move a single inch in our sector in the event of an invasion."
Alberto: Slugthrower loaded?
Dick: Nope.
Alberto: Loading it.
Dick: As soon as you insert the clip, that same voice says from the slugthrower grip, "Please stand by for a message from our sponsor. Your weapon will be ready to fire momentarily." Stirring march and then a new voice speaks, "The imperialists and domestic reactionaries will certainly not take their defeat lying down and they will struggle to the last corridor. After there is peace and order throughout the sector, they will still engage in sabotage and create disturbances in various ways and will try every daycycle and every minute to stage a come-back. This is inevitable and beyond all doubt, and under no circumstances must we relax our vigilance."
Alberto: This is getting annoying. Better it be ready to fire immediately than wait for the propaganda break in the middle of a firefight. Strapping on the flamethrower.
Dick: "Please stand by for a message from our sponsor. Your weapon will fire momentarily." The march plays. "While we recognize that in the general development of history the material determines the mental and social being determines social consciousness, we also - and indeed must - recognize the reaction of mental on material things, of social conspicuousness on social being and of the superstructure on the economic base. This does not go against materialism; on the contrary, it avoids mechanical materialism and firmly upholds dialectical materialism."
Dick rolls dice - 10, 16, 7, 13, 19, 5.
Dick passes a note to Alberto: Gain a point in the Communist Propaganda skill.
Dick passes a note to Donald: So, which suit of kevlar are you wearing?
Donald passes a note to Dick: My own.
Dick passes a note to George: Gain a point in the Communist Propaganda skill.
Dick passes a note to John: You can wear the dynamite or the kevlar but not both. Which are you wearing?
John passes a note to Dick: Kevlar.
Dick passes a note to John: And what are you planning to do with that dynamite vest? Just stripping it off in front of everyone?
John passes a note to Dick: No. I'm planning to find an excuse to get off by myself. I'll let you know when.
Dick passes a note to John: You tease. I'm still waiting for your signal that you're drugging the R&C with Slumber-Soft.
Dick passes a note to Samuel: Any regrets about killing Condi-R?
Samuel passes a note to Dick: It wasn't my fault.
Dick passes a note to Samuel: Planning to call for a weapons check before you go into battle? There's a Perversity point in it for you.
Samuel passes a note to Dick: I was planning on it, yes. I want to wait until everyone chooses their equipment, though.
Dick passes a note to Tom: Gain a point in the Communist Propaganda skill.
Donald: "Wait a sec. Did the flamethrower just say the weapon would be ready to fire in a moment, or did it say it would fire in a moment?"
Alberto: "Sweet merciful Computer!" I point the nozzle out the nearest broken window as quickly as possible.
Dick: Just in time, too. A jet of flame leaps out of the nozzle and illuminates the cavernous room.
Donald clears his throat.
Dick passes Donald a note: Yes. Perversity point.
Donald passes a note to Dick: Thank you.
Dick: Donald-R?
Donald: Flamethrower, grenades, and slugthrower. Checking the ammo.
Dick: Two more propaganda breaks. George-R?
George: Semi-auto thrower, cone rifle with HE shell, grenades, kevlar.
Dick: Three more propaganda breaks.
John (ooc): Two brainscrubs, at the least.
Dick: John-R?
John: "I fear all this equipment has been compromised to poison our minds. To protect the technicians, I will ready myself for combat in the hygiene closet."
George: "Very well. It is probably best that the rest of the team do the same."
Dick: Perversity point, John-R.
John: Thank you. Taking kevlar, grenades, slugthrower, force sword, and cone rifle with HE shell.
Dick: Four propaganda breaks puts you at...
Dick rolls a die - 7.
Dick passes a note to John: Gain a point of the Communist Propaganda skill.
John passes a note to Dick: Covering the vest with a towel. Let's just hope there are no hitchhikers on the transbot.
Dick laughs.
John (ooc): Don't you say one word, Dick.
Dick: I wouldn't dream of it, John. So, who wants to use the hygiene closet after John-R? Samuel-R?
Samuel: "I'll change in one of the sleeper cars, in case the flamethrower goes off shortly after I strap in, the way Alberto-R's did."
Dick: Perversity. What're you taking?
Samuel: Flamethrower, kevlar, slugthrower, grenades, force sword.
Dick: Four more propaganda breaks...
Dick rolls a die - 17.
Dick passes Samuel a note: Your suit-up is uneventful.
Dick: Tom-R?
Tom: I'll change in the other sleeper car. Kevlar, grenades, force sword, semi-auto thrower, and cone rifle with HE shell.
Dick: What a loyal servant of The Computer you are to endure so much Communist propaganda in the name of protecting Alpha Complex.
Tom: Just tell me how many new skill points I earn, Dick.
Dick rolls a die - 8.
Dick passes Tom a note: +1 to Communist Propaganda.
Dick: Now that everyone is all set to attack, I'm sure you'll want to get to the combat. Alberto-R?
Alberto: Making a run for cover behind the transbot platform between the first and second tracks.
Dick: Donald-R?
Donald: Ditto.
Dick rolls a die - 17.
Dick: Looks like one of the Commies spotted you, Donald-R.
Dick rolls some dice - 9 and 12.
Dick: Two slugs streak toward you from the first corridor. One glances off the track behind you. The other hits the surface of the transbot platform just as you duck behind it. George-R?
George: Firing the cone rifle at the first of the three corridors. Projectile is 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 7.
Dick: The shell hits the wall slightly beyond the corridor entrance. There are a couple screams as the explosion washes inside, but the transtube cracks from the blast. It probably can't take another nearby explosion like that one. John-R?
George: "Don't miss, John-R. You might break the transtube."
John: Violence is 4. What're the chances of that happening? Did I mention I'm aiming at the far right corridor?
Dick rolls in secret - 17.
Dick: Firing a cone rifle is harder than it looks. You manage to reduce a good chuck of the main platform to rubble, but you don't come anywhere close to the corridor. Samuel-R?
Samuel: Taking cover with the other two suckers on point.
Dick rolls in secret - 16.
Dick: The explosions have provided enough of a distraction that the traitors aren't paying any attention to you, for the moment. Tom-R?
Tom: Firing the cone rifle at the center corridor. Violence 8.
Dick rolls in secret - 7.
Dick: The shell bounces into the corridor a few meters before exploding. It's unlikely anything survived the blast.
Alberto: "Over the top, citizens. Move! Move! Move!" I charge around this platform and duck behind the main platform, readying a grenade to throw into the first corridor.
Donald: Obeying and imitating, but I'll head for the farthest of the corridors.
George: Dropping the cone rifle and spraying the first corridor with the thrower. Violence 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 12.
Dick: Your aim is horrible, but none of the traitors wants to risk another cone rifle shell.
Donald (ooc): You know. We could have used British musket tactics with the cone rifles. A round to load. A round of propaganda. A round to fire. We could be turning this place into Swiss cheese.
John (ooc): With my aim, I don't think that would have been a good idea.
Dick: John-R?
John: Sorry. Readying my laser and racing for a way onto the main platform.
Dick rolls a die in secret - 4.
Dick: Suppression fire is still working its magic.
Samuel: Following Alberto-R closely, grenade in hand.
Tom: Spraying the third corridor with suppression fire. Violence 8.
Dick rolls in secret - 16.
Dick: The slugs narrowly miss John-R's head as he advances on the main platform.
John: I wet myself and keep moving.
Dick: Two of the traitors in the third corridor brave up and take a couple shots at John-R from their point of cover.
Dick rolls in secret - 5 and 17.
Dick: One traitor doesn't want to come within the semi-autos' line of fire, so his shot isn't even close. The other one slams square into John-R's chest, but the kevlar stops the bullet cold. The kevlar vest speaks again, "Your life has just been saved by a Safe-T Armor brand kevlar vest. This affordable protective device was made possible by our sponsor." The marching music starts. "To link oneself with the masses, one must act in accordance with the needs and wishes of the masses. All work done for the masses must start from their needs and not from the desire of any individual, however well-intentioned. It often happens that objectively the masses need a certain change, but subjectively they are not yet willing or determined to make that change. In such cases, we should wait patiently. We should not make the change until, through our work, most of the masses have become conscious of the need and are willing and determined to carry it out. Otherwise, we shall isolate ourselves from the masses." Alberto-R?
Alberto: Tossing a grenade up and over the platform. Aiming at the first corridor. Violence 8.
Dick rolls in secret - 20.
Dick: The grenade rolls straight and true into the corridor. A stirring march begins to play - faintly at first and then gradually louder. "A revolution is not a bowl of Cold Fun, or watching a vidshow, or walking a petbot, or taking visomorpain; it cannot be so refined, so leisurely and gentle, so temperate, kind, courteous, restrained and magnanimous."
Donald: Making sure I'm as far away from Alberto-R as possible before winging one of my non-Commie grenades at the traitors in corridor #3. Violence is 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 3.
Dick: An explosion knocks the two traitors out of the corridor and onto the platform. George-R?
George: Spraying the traitors with lead while they're down. Violence is 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 16.
Dick: You cackle madly as you pepper one of the transtubes with slugs. John-R?
John: Taking cover against the solid wall and waiting for the explosions to die down. Better still, lying on the ground so stray slugs are less likely to install air-conditioning vents in my organs.
Dick: Samuel-R?
Samuel: Running away from Alberto-R very fast. Readying my truncheon and hauling myself onto the platform near Donald-R.
Dick: Have two points of Perversity for being first on the platform. Tom-R?
Tom: Hosing the downed Commies with my thrower. Violence 8.
Dick rolls in secret - 9.
Dick: The slugs fall upon them like water from a sprinkler. They cower and cover their heads in terror. You don't actually hit either of them, but you've put the fear of termination back into them. Alberto-R's grenade spouts off a little more Commie propaganda, "A revolution is an insurrection, an act of violence by which one class overthrows another." Then it rolls off the platform right next to him and explodes.
Dick rolls in secret - 17.
Dick: Fortunately, the grenade appears to be a near dud. The shrapnel barely even riddles Alberto-R's limbs with tiny scratches. What a lucky, lucky Troubleshooter he is! Alberto-R?
Alberto: Leaping out of the explosion with laser in hand and finishing off one of the traitors on the ground. Energy 12.
Dick rolls in secret - 11.
Dick: Take a point of Perversity for being the second. You smoothly decapitate him. Donald-R?
Donald: Leaping onto the platform and using the flamethrower on the third corridor. Violence 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 11.
Dick: There aren't any screams of burning agony as you fill the corridor with flame, but you do trip the fire alarms. Warning klaxons blare. George-R?
George: Moving to the transbot station with a meaningful glance at John-R.
John: Scrambling onto the platform and igniting the force sword.
Samuel: Taking cover outside the first corridor and readying the flamethrower. Can I fire this round?
Dick: Nope. Tom-R?
Tom: Taking up the rear and taking in this display of teamwork with the multicorder. I'm headed for the platform, though.
Dick: Excellent.
John (ooc): Shit.
Dick: You easily position your flamethrower wielders at the mouth of each corridor. Excellently done, citizens.
Alberto: I draw a charcoal outline around the cowering Commie with my laser pistol. "Tom-R has all your treason on tape, citizen. Our mission record shows you firing at loyal Troubleshooters.
Dick: Have a point of Perversity, Alberto. From the tunnels into the transbot station, you hear shouts of "For the People!" and similar slogans that many of you would now recognize as Communist propaganda.
George: "What the..."
Dick: Funny you should ask. It looks like two small armies of INFRAREDs armed with improvised melee weapons and the occasional scavenged laser pistol or slugthrower. A lot of them also appear to have flashlights. One group of about twenty is headed for you. The other two dozen or so are headed for the transbot.
Donald (shouting): "That's a misuse of Computer transportation routes, citizens! Drop and give me twenty thousand!"
Dick: So, do you want to camp the transtubes, take cover and prepare to hold the high ground, or move to protect the technicians?

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge