Transbot Ethics

May 19, 2005

George: "Peter-O told me that we are fully authorized, in the event of an emergency, to use anything in this cargo car. He seemed like an honest citizen to me, and this seems like an emergency."
Tom: "How is it an emergency? We killed most of the traitors and drove off the rest."
Donald: "It might be good to fortify our position here in case they come back with reinforcements."
Condi: That's a good question, actually. We know what the layout of the tracks is like. How is the station itself situated?
Dick: There are three entrances onto the transbot platform, all of which provide excellent cover against attacks from the part of the track where the transbot stopped. There is a transtube between the first and second entrance. Here, let me draw you a basic map.

Samuel (ooc): It looks like a Communist robot.
Dick: Thank you. Now, the red areas are the transbot station interior - corridors and rooms. The black at the edges is metal and/or stone walls.
John (ooc): Wow. Now I can see why the transbot's engine is looking so bad...
Dick: The tracks and the entrances to the station are also black. The yellow circles are transtubes. The grey boxes are the transbot cars. The one on that far track is the one you blew up. I can't be bothered to draw flames. The brown boxes are the platforms, which are open.
Condi: How high are the ceilings?
Dick: The interior areas of the station have 10-foot high ceilings. The rest are not visible, but they're probably high enough not to matter.
Samuel: What's the lighting like?
Dick: Dark. The transbot station platform is well-lit. There are plenty of lights on each of the other platforms, but someone apparently decided to turn them off. Your particular part of the station is considerably dimmer, especially since your transbot lights are still unpowered.
John: When I was in the engine car, did I see a way to turn the lights back on?
Dick: Absolutely. That particular panel looks like it was blasted with a laser a few times.
John: Figures.
George: "Okay, team. Our primary objective is still to get this transbot and its cargo to the nucular reactor.
Gordan-O: "And to protect the technicians responsible for repairing it."
George: "Yes. Of course. John-R, what's the status of the engine car?"
John: "It's ToastLike."
George: "Can you fix it?"
John: "I don't have the parts, but we're working on a plan to get it moving again. It will take time to rig up."
George: "Samuel-R, how are the bots?"
Samuel: "Only two are left - one docbot and one jackobot."
George: "What happened to the others?"
Samuel: "Destroyed or compromised by saboteurs."
Alberto: "Who sabotaged the bots, Samuel-R?"
Samuel: "I don't know, Alberto-R."
Alberto: "You're equipment guy, right? It was your responsibility to examine them for signs of sabotage, and you didn't report any."
Samuel: "The sabotage took place after I inspected them. Also, I wasn't given an opportunity to inspect the prototype jackobot. I have reason to believe that it was frankenstein."
Alberto: "A likely story, citizen..." I take notes in my loyalty notepad.
Samuel: "Oh yeah? What was George-R doing in an ORANGE area without the excuse of being beaten up and left in a locker filled with radioactive materials?"
George: "Alberto-R and I were taking up tactical positions in the face of attacks from an armed opponent."
Alberto: "Wait. How did my first clone die, then, if we were in the caboose with cover?"
George: "I was covering the front door. You were covering the rear. The enemy was standing on the roof at the back of the caboose and got a lucky shot in at the back of your head. Why did you and John-R lie to me about the caboose's coupling release levers?"
Alberto: "I didn't lie to you! Technical devices are hardly my area of expertise. What about you, John-R?"
John: "An error, I'm afraid. I almost paid for my oversight with my life."
Tom: "Yet, I saw you fraternizing with the enemy."
John: "They had me outnumbered, and I wanted to learn as much as I could about their motives and the current state of IRQ Sector."
Tom: "And what, exactly, did you learn, John-R? Communist slogans? PURGE propaganda?"
Condi: I sing a short song about cooperation and teamwork to remind everyone about the problem at hand. Besides, the drugs should still be making everyone exceptionally easygoing.
Donald: "Condi-R is right. All of us know where all the others of us are and can prevent treason from within from harming us. The traitors responsible for the troubles in IRQ Sector are a known unknown threat."
John: "To answer Tom-R's question, their leader's name is John-R-KRY. They like blowing things up. They've destroyed as many cameras and other surveillance devices as they've been able to find, and they've all but blocked communications with The Computer from this part of the sector."
Alberto: "That explains the PDC blackout."
George: "Yes.
John: "One thing that works in our favor is that The Computer is still apparently able to recognize when one of us dies, so at least we can count on the replacement of any casualties."
Tom: "Indeed. I didn't lose any substantial block of memory when my previous clone perished. We can even use this to our advantage. We all know the severity of our situation, and anyone who loses a clone can report our difficulty to The Computer, who will certainly send reinforcements."
Alberto: "Why wait until our situation is so dire that multiple casualties become likely? I can check our Memo Max transmissions. Who wants to volunteer to report our mission's current complications to The Computer right now?"
George: "Do you mean what I think you mean, Alberto-R?"
Alberto: "We chased off that RED traitor and his INFRARED flunkies. Reinsertion via transtube won't be safer than it is right now, which means The Computer will be able to send orders to us via the clone donor."
Gordan-O: "Don't look at any of the Power Services technicians for volunteers. We have a job to do at that reactor, and that will put us in harm's way plenty enough. Besides, this is clearly a Troubleshooter's job."
Tim-O: "Yes, it is. My technicians are out, too. We'll help with the repairs as much as we can, but suicide is not our job."
John (ooc): Who didn't see that coming?
George: "Understood. Someone has to go, though. Any volunteers?"
There is a long silence.
George: "I'll expense the cost of your clone as being necessary to the mission."
There is another long silence.
George: "The rest of us will all chip in to pay for your sacrificed clone, if The Computer refuses to reimburse you for the expense."
Dick (ooc): Is that like offering the rogue in the party a guarantee that you'll pay to have him resurrected if he dies on the suicidal scouting mission you've cooked up?
George (ooc): Hush, you.
Donald: "We could vote on who volunteers."
John: "Let's look at this situation logically. You need me to get this transbot moving again. Every minute I spend in the FRA Sector is a minute I don't spend preventing this mission from failing utterly."
George: "I'm team leader, so I'll decide who volunteers. I'm a reasonable citizen, though. I won't choose anyone who can convince me that they'd be more useful here."
Chaos erupts as everyone talks at once.
Dick: Wait, everyone. We're clearly going to have to do this in turns. Alberto-R?
Alberto: "I'm a Memo Max Quality Assurance technician. I need to make sure that whoever volunteers has a clear transmission so their next clone remembers what events to report to The Computer. My scanner is a delicate piece of equipment with an instruction manual too thick to carry with me on a mission. If we are forced to send another volunteer to update The Computer regarding our situation in the event of significant change, you'll need me to scan the second volunteer to make sure his next clone knows exactly what kind of change prompted him to volunteer."
George: "A valid point, though I certainly hope one volunteer will be enough to remedy our situation."
Dick: Condi-R?
Condi: "Given the seriousness nature of our situation, you'll need me around to maintain high morale."
George: "True, but won't knowing that help is on the way also boost morale?"
Dick: Donald-R?
Donald: "I'm a marksman and a medic. With most of our docbots out of commission, you're going to need as many medics as you can get, and given our situation, you'll certainly need all the marksmen you can get."
George: "I can't argue with you there."
Dick: John-R?
John: I've already given my reason. I'm the mastermind behind the transbot repairs.
George: "A very important task indeed."
Dick: Samuel-R.
Samuel: "There's a traitor among us. You're going to need an equipment guy to detect any sabotage before it results in mission failure."
George: "John-R appears to have the transbot problem well in hand, and I thought we all agreed that external conflicts are temporarily more immediate than internal accusations."
Samuel: "That's what the Commies want you to believe."
Dick: Tom-R?
Tom: "With all contact with The Computer cut off, it is imperative that I maintain an unbroken record of all these events. We wouldn't want to be found guilty of treason we never committed simply because we can't prove that traitors were responsible for the sabotage that caused us to be stuck here in the first place, would we?"
George (ooc): Out of character, you're my first target, but in character...
George: "A very strong argument, Tom-R. I guess that narrows it down to Condi-R and Samuel-R, in my mind."
Condi (ooc):Why do I feel like I'm in the boardroom on The Apprentice?
George (ooc): Except instead of saying "You're fired," you're simply likely to be fired upon.
Condi: "Should we flip a plasticred to see who volunteers?"
Tom (ooc): Great idea. Let's turn it into Russian roulette. We've got plenty of slugthrowers, now.
John (ooc): Russian roulette is a Commie game.
Tom (ooc): Doubly so, if they spout propaganda when fired, too...
Samuel: "We could decide by a duel."
Alberto: "Firing lasers at volunteers seems like a horribly inefficient use of Alpha Complex's resources. Whoever volunteers should probably be killed in a manner that doesn't use up any ammunition. I'd be happy to serve The Computer by strangling the volunteer personally."
Tom (ooc): See. Now, whenever you say something like that, I have to remind myself that you're not like that in a real courthouse - just in Paranoia.
Alberto (ooc): How do you know? Have you ever been on trial, Tom?
Tom (ooc): One more crack like that tonight, and I might just move to Canada until you're no longer Attorney General, if that's okay by you...
Condi: "Alberto-R is right, though I don't think that strangling is strictly necessary. There are plenty of other low-budget deaths available to us. Some kind of random method of deciding who will be allowed to volunteer will be most efficient."
George: "Agreed." I find a plasticred to flip.
Condi: It's basically a Power check, right?
Dick: Yes, which means I get to roll it.
Condi: Can anyone spend Perversity?
Dick: In my benevolence, I'll allow everyone to spend up to 5 Perversity points to aid or hinder the result of either of your Power checks. Please pass me your votes.
George (ooc): They're votes, now? Are you saying that we surrender our beloved bills in order to get votes?
Dick (ooc): You don't visit the Senate very often, do you, Mr. President?
George (ooc): Are you going to tell America that this is the first time you've met me?
Dick (ooc): I get the feeling they wouldn't believe a whopper that big.
Alberto passes a note to Dick: 1 Perversity against Samuel-R.
Condi passes a note to Dick: 5 in favor of Samuel.
Dick passes a note to Condi: You mean 5 to make sure he gets to volunteer, right?
Condi passes a note to Dick: Nope. I want him to succeed.
Dick: Okay...
Donald passes a note to Dick: 5 against Condi.
George passes a note to Dick: 3 for Condi.
John passes a note to Dick: 5 against Samuel.
Samuel passes a note to Dick: 5 for myself.
Tom passes a note to Dick: Pass.
Dick rolls in secret for Condi - 18 (failure margin of 12).
Dick rolls in secret for Samuel - 16 (success margin of 5).
Dick: The plasticred has spoken. Condi has volunteered to donate a clone to the team.
Condi (in a singsong): "Remember your promise to pay for my 7th clone between you."
George: "If The Computer won't treat it as a reasonable expense, we will."
Tom: "I'm sure it will."
Alberto: "If you'll step outside, Condi-R, I'll gladly send you on your way."
Condi (in a singsong): "I appreciate your generosity, Alberto-R, but I'd rather Samuel-R do the honors. His truncheon looks hard enough to shatter my skull in a single blow. Just scan my transmission to Memo Max, and we'll get this over with."
John (ooc): Okay, we've officially moved into a creepy area of this game.
Samuel (ooc): Alberto is in the game. We were there a long time ago.
John (ooc): Yes, but this is Condi. I'm surprised she didn't use drugs to encourage a volunteer spirit in someone.
Condi (ooc): The thought hadn't crossed my mind.
George (ooc): Bullshit. She's plotting something.
Condi (ooc): It was just the luck of the die. I am resigned to my fate. Losing your Prime is an important step in the life of a Troubleshooter. It's like a vampire feeding for the first time. It's like a D&D character's first magic item. It's like a Jedi's first taste of the Dark Side. It's like a mage's first Paradox backlash.
Dick (ooc): It's like losing your virginity. Yes. We get the idea, Condi.
Condi (ooc): My point is that this is a special moment in my character's career as a Troubleshooter. I was trying to save myself, but the opportunity was right there in front of me and, when it came down to it, I just couldn't help myself.
Samuel (ooc): Bah. You just had a lower Power score, more enemies, or both. Quit pretending this was a part of some grand plan.
Condi (ooc): Fine. Bash my brains out.
Samuel (ooc): We'll be alone outside the transbot. Are you sure you're not going to put up a fight?
Condi (ooc): Completely.
Samuel (ooc): Hey Dick, any chance I can gloat for a couple turns to get back Perversity?
Dick: None whatsoever.
Samuel: Okay, in that case, I politely do my duty.
Dick: You're now covered in Condi-R's brains and blood.
John: Time for a hygiene inspection!
Dick: Conveniently, at that moment, Lisa-Y steps out of the transtube. As she walks toward the transbot, several slugs from one of the corridors (the source of which is not visible) pepper her body and she falls over apparently dead on the transbot platform.
George: "Slight change in plans. We have to take and hold that transbot platform until Condi-R arrives from the FRA Sector."
Dick passes a note to Condi: Out of curiosity, why did you sabotage yourself?
Condi passes a note to Dick: Think about this for a moment. Whoever volunteers loses a clone, but when you come back, you can give whatever orders you want with the weight of The Computer's authority. And no one else was even tempted? Besides, I have a SecSoc mission to perform, right? What better way to get what I want out of the Troubleshooter team?

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge



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Copyright 2005
by Eric Zawadzki
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