Trust Everything You Read

April 2, 2005

GM Conference with George:
Dick: You pass through the corridor between the dark room and the waiting area. A small nameplate on the desk indicates that its occupant's name is Patrick-O-MLY-4. He is a lean clone with a ruddy face, as if he is so used to being red-hot angry that his blood vessels have compensated by moving closer to his skin so the heart doesn't have to beat faster before his mood becomes obvious. "What do you want?"
George: "Patrick-O, sir..."
Dick: "My name's Peter, not Patrick!"
George: "But your name tag..."
Dick: "Do you believe everything you read, boy?"
George: "I try not to, citizen."
Dick: "Believe everything?"
George: "Read. I try not to read. Unfortunately, in my line of work, it's rather unavoidable. Kind of like blasting traitors with my laser, here."
Dick: He narrows his eyes at you. "Is that a threat, citizen?"
George: "Just an observation, Patrick-O."
Dick: "Peter-O!"
George: "Take, for example, these forms we need to fill out to complete our outfitting. Now, to answer your question, until a moment ago, I believed everything I read. Really, I did. Oh, some people scoffed, but no one actually bothered to point out an example of something written that was not absolutely true. It would be like believing that Teela-O is just, I don't know, some actress. Of course, I'm sure you know she's real, since you came from the same sector as she did. But now, you are insisting that I should trust your say so over the indelible printed message on your desk that declares you to be Patrick-O-MLY-4, not (as you claim) Peter-O-MLY-4. The implications of this paradox are as enormous as realizing for the first time - really realizing it - that the Computer is my friend.
Dick: "Do you have a point, or are you as dull as you seem?"
George: "The point, Patrick-O."
Dick: "Peter-O."
George: "Ah, but I do not yet have a means of establishing that you are Peter-O, not Patrick-O, Patrick-O, so forgive me if, for the moment, I call you Patrick-O."
Dick: He glowers.
George: "The point is that I have here a stack of forms that indicate that a long list of items necessary to the success of my team's mission will be loaded onto a transbot. I can only guess that these items have been packed into crates and barrels to facilitate the process of loading them. The forms declare that the contents are the same as those listed on the forms, but this form requires me to confirm that I have received these materials."
Dick: "Get to the point."
George: "In short, Patrick-O, if I can't trust your name plate, how can I trust these forms. If I should believe everything I read, then I can trust that everything that these forms say is on the transbot indeed is and that you've been lying to me the whole time about being Peter-O when you are, in fact, Patrick-O. As a Troubleshooter and upstanding citizen, it would then be my duty to report your unauthorized use of an alias to the Computer. Why would you want to hide your true identity from a fellow citizen, Patrick-O? If you really are Peter-O, then the written word is not always the truth, so you haven't lied to me, but now I can't trust these forms' declaration that the necessary equipment is in the barrels and crates as you claim. Should I believe you're a traitor, or should I inspect the transbot's cargo before signing the declaration that I have received all the items on this list?"
Dick: That was really twisted. He gives up because I give up. Have two Perversity points.
George (ooc): You mean Bills?
Dick: If you insist. Peter-O lets out a slow breath. He speaks deliberately. "My *name* is Peter-O. I will take you to the cargo so you can inspect it before filling out the declaration form."
George: "Thank you, Peter-O."
Dick: He leads you through a door and onto a huge warehouse floor filled with crates, barrels, and the robotic vehicles used to move all of it around. Peter-O leads you to a loading dock where several dozen containers sit next to a waiting transbot. A pair of REDs sit on two of the crates, smoking cigarettes and drinking cans of Bouncy Bubble Beverage, chatting about the latest reality vidshows, including Last Traitor Standing, in which known traitors are placed in a large room together with a crate of food and only get a new crate of food when one of the others dies. They stop when they see Peter-O. "Yo, boss. Do we have the approval to load the transbot, now?" Peter-O shakes his head. "Not yet. The team leader wants to inspect the cargo, first."
George: "Just some of it, actually. We are on an important mission for the Computer, so a full inspection would take too much time."
Dick: "You heard him, citizens. Show him the cargo." The REDs stand up and break open two metal barrels marked "Hot Fun" and "Cold Fun" with crowbars. Inside, you dehydrated Hot Fun and Cold Fun powder. They then open two crates marked "wire" and "jumpsuits," which turn out to contain wire and black jumpsuits. They move over to a large, lead crate marked with a huge radiation warning and "enriched uranium - do NOT open" and begin working at the bolts.
George: "Um, that isn't necessary, citizens."
Dick: What's your Nuclear Engineering rating?
George: "I don't want you to get hernias opening up a box made of lead."
Dick: Peter-O folds his arms. "Are you satisfied, citizen? Will you please sign the release form so we can load the transbot?"
George: "Just one more thing." I randomly point at a crate that's partially obscured by other crates. "I want to inspect that one."
Dick: Peter-O looks at you mildly and then briefly turns to the REDs. "Brett-R, Maurice-R. Bring that crate out here." They do. Peter-O takes Brett-R's crowbar. "Take a coffeelike break, citizens. I want you back here in five minutes." They wander away. Peter-O grunts a bit but eventually opens the crate marked "Visomorpain." Inside are two semi-automatic slugthrowers and at least a hundred clips of ammunition.
George: "It appears that the contents do not match the label, citizen. I trust everything I read less and less, Peter-O."
Dick: He leans on the side of the crate and regards you levelly. "Would you like me to get you another crate - one you can confirm has Visomorpain in it?"
George: In the event of an emergency, are we cleared to use any and all supplies on the transbot to ensure the success of the mission?
Dick: The forms give you full authority over the humanitarian relief. You are responsible for the safe arrival of the main cargo car, which is where the materials necessary to repair the reactor and the power grid will be.
George: I know I'm going to regret this, but I hold out my hand surreptitiously. "I'm no pharmatherapist, so it looks like Visomorpain to me, citizen. I'm sure my happiness officer could tell me for sure, though. Should I continue the inspection - and maybe bring my teammates into it - or should I trust that you wouldn't lie to me about the contents of the other crates?" Bribery is 6.
Dick rolls a die and ignores the result.
Dick: He glances at your hand. "I'll give you twenty plasticreds for one of those cigarettes like the one you're smoking. You can trust me, George-R."
George: I slowly pass him one of the cancerlite cigarettes.
Dick: He just as warily passes you a stack of 20 plasticreds.
George: I light the cigarette for him with my borrowed hottorch. "Tell Brett-R and Maurice-R to load the transbot. This mission is far too important to sabotage by spending several hours in a warehouse not believing everything we read, Peter-O."
Dick: Have a Perversity point for taking one for the plot. Brett-R and Maurice-R load up the transbot's six cars.
George: What's in the caboose?
Dick: Judging from the labels, the materials for the reactor. Did you really need to ask?
George: Just confirming my suspicions.
Dick: The others haven't caught up with you, yet, but I'll let you out of the box to watch the fun.

Back at the gaming table:
Dick: IntSec arrives.
Dick pauses dramatically.
Dick: Gives you a bit of a chill when I say it, doesn't it? IntSec arrives. IntSec arrives. IntSec arrives.
Tom (ooc): Bah. I was the head of Homeland Security. I was *in charge* of IntSec.
Dick: Not in Alpha Complex, though.
Condi (ooc): I thought the term was "in control."
Samuel (ooc): No, that's saulres.
Alberto (ooc): Not anymore.
Samuel (ooc): And Tom isn't in control anymore, either.
Dick (speaking over them): As I was saying...
Donald (ooc): IntSec arrives, IntSec arrives, IntSec arrives?
Dick: Yes. Thank you, Donald. IntSec arrives, cordons off the room and questions you about the events you just witnessed.
Alberto: I retell the events so that it is clear that Jim-R was a Commie mutant traitor who attacked me with an unregistered mutant power when I was just about to unmask his treason, after which he used his filthy mutie powers to take over my body. Everyone acted loyally and attacked him, distracting him long enough for me to terminate him before he killed us all.
Dick: Alberto, what's your Management? Anyone want to contradict his story in any way?
Alberto: 6.
Dick secretly rolls - 5.
Condi: Nope.
Donald: Nope.
John: No. And as soon as they'll let me go, I'm going to catch up with George-R before he agrees to smuggle a nuke out of the warehouse for some clerk.
George (ooc; smiling sweetly): Would I do something like that to you?
Everyone else: Yes!
Dick: Samuel.
Samuel: Not disagreeing. Catching up to George-R as soon as possible.
Alberto: Ditto.
Condi: Catching up to George.
Donald: Same here.
Tom: I will answer the questions directly and exactly as matters appeared from my point of view behind the camera. I will then document the investigation until someone shoos me away or until I have to leave the warehouse to continue the mission.
Condi (ooc): The R&C is going to leave us undocumented for five minutes? Almost makes you want to wreck the warehouse while he's not looking, doesn't it?
Dick: The IntSec agents discover something of interest in Jim-R's back pocket.
Tom: What is it?
Dick: You can't tell. It's dark in here, remember?
Tom: I keep forgetting about that. I check to make sure the agents have no further questions before catching up with the others.
Dick: By the time you catch up with George-R, he is handing the forms over to an ORANGE at the desk. A small nameplate on the desk indicates that its occupant's name is Patrick-O-MLY-4. He is a lean clone with a ruddy face, as if he is so used to being red-hot angry that his blood vessels have compensated by moving closer to his skin so the heart doesn't have to beat faster before his mood becomes obvious. Right now, however, he is smiling as though he is very pleased with himself."
George: "Are you ready to go, team?"
Donald (shouting): "Yes, sir!"
John: I scratch the burn marks on my back and whimper, "Sweet merciful Computer, yes."
The others agree with less enthusiasm.
George: Then let's move out. Condi-R, could you lead us in a song for the occasion?
Condi: I lead them in "Go Go Troubleshooters," which sounds remarkably like the theme song from The Power Rangers.
Dick: By the time you reach the transbot, two REDs are just loading the last of the equipment into the caboose. Six docbot 8s and four jackobots are stand at the bot equivalent of attention. The ORANGE turns to Samuel-R. "Bots awaiting your inspection, equipment guy."
Samuel: I walk toward the bots. "Thank you, Patrick-O."
Dick: The ORANGE screams at you, "My name is Peter-O, not Patrick-O!"
Samuel: "But the name tag at your desk..."
Dick: "Do you believe everything you read, young citizen?"
Samuel: "Well, I, um..."
John: How much time do we have left?
Dick: Two minutes.
John: I squirm nervously. "Citizens, we're kind of on a deadline, here..."
Donald: I check my PDC. "John-R is right.
George: "I've already signed for the bots. You'll have to inspect them on the way, Samuel-R."
Samuel: "Okay, but I'll need some peace and quiet while I inspect them. I don't need anyone hanging over my shoulder."
George: "Bots, load yourselves up. Team, lets walk and load."
Dick: You do so and leave the PLC warehouse right on schedule, heading toward the transbot station where Power Services and Tech Services technicians are waiting for pick-up."

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge