Communist Cone Rifle

May 12, 2005

Dick: NPCs' turns. Since Alberto-R has taken cover, one of the snipers turns her attention to the sharpshooter on the transbot platform.
Dick rolls in secret - 4.
Dick: The slug tears into your laser arm, forcing you to drop your laser. Wound. The other one fires at Donald-R, again.
Dick rolls in secret - 15.
Dick: Fortunately, it merely hits a barrel of powdered Cold Fun, which begins to leak black powder. Strange, that. You've never seen black powdered Cold Fun, before. Maybe it's a new flavor that smells slightly of rotten eggs...
Donald: Is that what I think it is?
Dick: Depends. What's your Hardware?
Donald: Depends. Can I buy a narrow specialty called Identify Mysterious Powder?
Dick: Make it Identify Mysterious Powder by Rubbing It Between Your Fingers, and you have a deal.
Donald: Let me think about it. Otherwise, 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 10.
Dick: You can't tell in this dim light. Tim-O, Gordan-O, and two technicians open fire with their lasers, but they hit the traitors' armored cover, instead. The caboose slams into the back of the cargo car. Everyone make me an Agility check to avoid being snafued.
Alberto rolls - 17.
Alberto: Nope.
Condi rolls - 3.
Condi: Made it with a margin of 5.
Donald rolls - 3.
Donald: Made it with a margin of 3.
George rolls - 2.
George: Success. Margin of 4.
John: Not there.
Samuel rolls - 16.
Samuel: Failed by a margin of 12, but George and I had braced ourselves for impact.
Dick: You certainly did. Unfortunately, that biohazard crate didn't think to do the same. It slides forward and crushes your foot. You are wounded.
Samuel: Damn!
Tom (ooc): Quit whining. At least you're still on your Prime. I died by falling out a window.
Dick: Also, not on the train. Tim-O and the other techs fail their checks, but Gordan-O is still on his feet. Alberto-R, what are you doing?
Alberto: I'm commandeering Lisa-Y's laser, since she's too dead to use it, right now. Switching to a RED barrel, though.
Dick: Condi-R?
Condi: I follow the pained screams of Samuel-R so I can tend his wounded happiness level. I'll sing about how great it would be for a docbot to come help him out, too.
Dick: No docbot immediately responds, but you reach Samuel-R. Donald-R?
Donald: Can I lob a grenade from here?
Dick: Barely, yes.
Donald: Doing that, then. Thrown is 6.
Dick: Roll.
Donald rolls - 13.
Dick: The grenade bounces off the armor and rolls out of blasting range of the sniper nest. George-R?
George: I'm running into the humanitarian relief car and breaking open some of the crates.
George passes Dick a note: Looking for a cone rifle or some armor piercing or area effect slugthrower ammo.
Dick: Give me a Hardware check.
George rolls - 3.
George: Margin of 3.
Dick: More on that later. John-R, you can be back on the transbot platform, or you can be discovered by Commie mutant traitors who want to kill you. Which do you prefer.
John: Hm. Let me think about it...
Dick: Cannibalistic Commie mutant traitors it is, then...
John: Kidding. Transbot station. Going over to tend Tom-R's injuries.
John passes Dick a note: I'm going to be giving him some Slumber-Soft, in a moment. You'll know when.
Dick passes a note back to John: Okay.
Tom (ooc): That's fair, John. Shoot a man in the head while he's down...
Dick: John-R, you reach Tom-R at the end of your turn, though you won't be able to do anything for him until next turn. Samuel-R?
Samuel: I'm going to try to get the crate off my foot so I can tend my injury.
Dick: What's your Violence?
Samuel: 4.
Dick rolls secretly and ignores the result.
Dick: That crate isn't going anywhere, this round. Tom-R?
Tom: I squat down in hopes of getting better cover without obstructing the multicorder. "John-R, where have you been?"
Dick: We'll continue the next few lines of that conversation on John's turn. The sniper turns her attention from Tom-R to John-R.
Dick rolls in secret - 13.
Dick: The slug punctures the floor fully two meters away from John-R. The other sniper doesn't appear to be firing this round. I wonder what he's doing. Hmm... Gordon-O fires at the sniper car.
Dick rolls in secret - 10.
Dick: The laser hits the sniper in the chest, but the reflec seems to absorb the attack. Next round. Alberto-R.
Alberto: Taking aim at the sniper with my laser. Energy 12.
Dick: Roll.
Alberto rolls - 16.
Dick: Lisa-Y's laser appears to have a straighter barrel than yours, and it throws off your aim. You manage to cook some moss growing on the opposite wall. Condi-R?
Condi: I'm going to help Samuel-R get the crate off his foot. Violence is 8.
Dick rolls in secret and ignores the result.
Dick: Between the two of you, you'll be able to get Samuel-R's foot free, though that will be Samuel-R's action for the round, too. Donald-R?
Donald: Hurling another grenade.
Dick rolls in secret - 4.
Dick: Your grenade comes very close to the gap in their defenses, so the explosion probably startled them nicely. George-R?
George: The crate?
Dick: Ah yes. George-R, you open a random crate and immediately uncover a cone rifle already loaded with a HEAT shell. You could probably even fire it this round.
George: Awesome! Definitely doing that. "Die traitor scum!"
Condi (ooc): Um, George. What's the blast radius on that thing?
George (ooc): That information is not available at my security clearance. I'll know in just a minute, though. Violence is 6.
Dick: Have a point of Perversity and roll it.
George rolls - 18.
George: Yikes. TPK?
Dick: Too early for that. The cone rifle speaks instead of firing, "Please stand by for a message from our sponsor. Your weapon will fire momentarily." The cone rifle plays a stirring march over which a voice speaks, "Tired of the iron fist of the bourgeoisie? Feeling oppressed by high clearance citizens who think they are better than you are? Maybe it's time you ask about how Communism can work for you. The greatest treason of them all is to support a culture of inequality." There is a long moment of silence. Given that all the technicians are now staring at you, it seems even longer. The first voice speaks, "Your cone rifle is now ready to fire." You can fire next turn, though.
George (ooc): The TPK would have been easier to deal with.
Tom (ooc): Look on the bright side, both loyalty officers are in the car with you, but I'm not. Wait, is it loud enough for us to hear?
Dick: Yes. Oh. Let me check something... Okay. Four rounds to go. John, go.
John: "Tom-R, you're hurt!"
Tom: "That's a very astute observation, citizen. Now, would you be so kind as to shoot those traitors before they put more holes in us?"
John: "Your injuries have clearly interfered with your happiness levels, Tom-R."
Tom: "Condi-R is not here."
John: "Hygiene is never so important as when you are injured, citizen. I should check your wound to make sure it has been properly cleaned."
Tom: I pause the multicorder for just a moment. "John-R, I'll give you five credits to leave me alone."
John: "Okay." If you give me the creds, he'll return to the transbot.
Tom: Oh, I am. I'll turn the multicorder back on as soon as the transaction is complete.
Dick: Okay. And Tom-R spent the round bribing John-R. Sniper's turn.
Dick rolls in secret - 15.
Dick: The slug hits the wall behind John-R and Tom-R.
Donald: I thought my grenade stunned them.
Dick: I should kill your character for such insubordination, but you're right. I did say that. Conrad-O doesn't react well to the Communist cone rifle. He takes a pot shot at George-R. Anyone want to spend Perversity on this? Please hand in your expenditures.
Alberto passes a note to Dick: George deserves this. Spending 5 to help Conrad-O.
Condi passes a note to Dick: None here. I have better uses for those.
Donald passes a note to Dick: The traitors still have a cone rifle. Not taking any chances. Spending 3 against Conrad-O.
George passes a note to Dick: Spending 5 to defend myself.
John passes a note to Dick: I'd like to get the explosion of the transbot for my documentary. Spending 3 for Conrad-O.
Samuel passes a note to Dick: Kind of want to live. Spending 5 against Conrad-O.
Tom passes a note to Dick: It would be bad if the traitors blew up our mission zone. Spending 5 against Conrad-O.
Dick: Pete-R trips over his shoelaces and falls onto Conrad-O, throwing his aim way off.
Dick rolls in secret - 17.
Dick: The laser instead hits Pete-R, cutting off his head. Alberto-R?
Alberto: Firing at the sniper. Energy 12.
Dick rolls in secret - 10.
Dick: You hear a faint cry as the beam hits the sniper. Condi-R?
Condi: I'm giving Samuel-R a good spray of Gelgenine while singing "Good Health Starts with Happiness."
Samuel (ooc): I hate you.
Dick: Donald-R?
Donald: Throwing another grenade. Violence 6.
Dick rolls in secret - 7.
Dick: The grenade is close to the mark, but not close enough.
Donald (ooc): So much for almost counting in hand grenades...
Dick: George-R?
George: Taking aim at the sniper wagon and firing. Violence is 6.
Dick: Want to spend any Perversity?
George: Um, yes. 5. That makes it 11.
Dick rolls in secret - 7.
Dick: The shell flies straight and true into the sniper car. The resulting explosion turns the armored car into a wall of shrapnel that showers your transbot.
Dick rolls some dice.
Dick: Fortunately, no one is seriously hurt. The technicians have all trained their lasers on George-R.
Condi (ooc): Looks like you're a uniter, not a divider, George.
George (ooc): Shaddup.
Conrad-O: "Would you care to explain yourself, citizen?"
Dick: John-R, you can reach the transbot, now. Tom-R, you can get there, too, unless you want to continue filming the post-combat column of smoke...
John: I'll arrive.
Tom: Same here.
Tom passes a note to Dick: PDC getting any reception?
Dick passes a note to Tom: No.
Tom (ooc): Uh oh.
Condi (ooc): What?
Alberto (ooc): I bet I know.
George: I put up my hands. "Clearly, this cone rifle was the victim of Communist sabotage."
Conrad-O: "Brilliant deduction, Watson-O. Now, perhaps you would like to explain how you knew there was a cone rifle in a cargo car filled with humanitarian relief?"
George: "I didn't. What I knew was that if I didn't find a way to hit those traitors, they'd fire their cone rifle at us, again. They might not have missed, next time."
Alberto and Donald take vigorous notes.
George: "Okay, I knew there were weapons in the humanitarian relief car because the Computer told me there were. It said it was concerned that if someone leaked the nature of our mission, the Commie mutant traitors would stop at nothing to foil it. If that happened, we would need the extra firepower." Chutzpah and Con Games are 13.
Dick: So, that's how you're going to play this.
Dick rolls in secret - 6.
Conrad-O: "We'll just see about that."
Dick: He pulls out his PDC.
George (ooc): Crap.
Dick: After a long moment, he frowns deeply. "My fellow citizens, we've lost contact with The Computer." The silence that follows is palpable, broken only by a few whimpers from the technicians.

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge