There's No Society Like Secret Society

March 19, 2005

Dick: When we left our Troubleshooters, most of them had just completed their briefing.
Samuel (ooc): Where's John?
Dick: Who is this John of whom you speak, citizen?
George (ooc): The Secret Service is holding him in an undisclosed location until the rest of us catch up. Something apparently happened to his character in the briefing room. Every time I ask about it, though, he starts to cry.
Alberto (ooc): They're crocodile tears, I'm sure. At worst, he lost a clone.
George (ooc): Either way, he's not with us, for the moment.
Dick: Now, could you all turn in your essays from last week?
Samuel: I thought you were kidding about that.
Dick: Would I joke about something as telling as an essay question, Samuel?
Condi (handing Dick a typed essay): Here's mine.
Dick: See? Did everyone else think I was kidding?
Donald: I've been a little too busy to write essays, this week.
Dick: Sleep is for the weak, Donald.
Donald: I already don't sleep.
Dick: Food is for the weak, Donald.
Donald: There's just no pleasing you, is there?
Tom (handing over a handwritten sheet): Here.
Dick: It's not much to look at, but I like the title: "Quality Time with My Quality Pal, the GM."
Alberto: I thought you were kidding, too.
Dick: George?
George: I didn't do my homework in high school. Why should I start doing it now?
Dick: This isn't homework. It's a hobby.
George: Homework is not a hobby, and I don't have to do it if I don't want to.
Dick: Paranoia isn't just a game. It's a state of mind.
George: I would have gotten an F anyway because my grammar is so bad.
Condi: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Just admit that you didn't think Dick was serious.
George: I knew he was serious. I just didn't intend to do homework for a roleplaying game.
Condi: You could have had someone else write the essay for you. Don't pretend it didn't cross your mind.
George: That would be a great thing to let slip to the press. The Israeli army would think I had a poor grasp on reality if they found out I was a gamer, and that might reduce my leverage when I'm trying to broker peace in that region. And the last thing I need is Bothered About Dungeons and Dragons holding a candlelight vigil on the White House lawn. The grounds keepers just got done cleaning up the last of the trash from all the election day protesters.
Condi: You know, George. They have an Avatar archetype with your name on it in Unknown Armies.
George: The True King?
Condi: The Demagogue.
George: How disappointing. Here I thought you were going to accuse me of being an Avatar of the Fool.
Condi: If I were a fool, I might think you a Fool, but I know you better than that.
George: Are you sure? Maybe you're a Fool yourself and are therefore fooled into believing that another Fool's folly is not folly at all, but has meaning to it. Paranoia is a state of mind, you know...
Condi: Dick, are you done reading those essays, yet?
Dick: Yes. Five Perversity points to Condi for "Achieving Happiness and Safety Through IntSec Interrogation," and three to Tom for "Quality Time with My Quality Pal, the GM." Now for our favorite post-briefing game - finding the PLC warehouse. Which direction is everyone facing - right or left?
Alberto: Left.
Condi: Right.
Donald: Left.
George: Straight.
Dick: Smart ass.
George: You asked.
Samuel: Left.
Tom: Right.
Tom passes Dick a note: While no one else is watching, I'm casually dropping a bug in Condi's back pocket. Surveillance 14.
Dick rolls a die - 7. Checking the Tension Level, he rolls a 12.
Dick passes a note to Alberto: You feel your PDC vibrating.
Dick passes a note to Condi: Your PDC isn't vibrating.
Dick passes a note to Donald: Your PDC is vibrating.
Dick passes a note to George: Your PDC isn't vibrating.
Dick passes a note to Samuel: Your PDC is vibrating.
Dick passes a note to Tom: Your PDC is vibrating.
Dick: Okay. What are you doing?
Alberto: Walking down the left corridor.
Condi: Turning around to face the other direction.
Donald: Obeying the PDC by going down the left corridor.
George: Turning toward the right corridor.
Samuel: Obeying the PDC by going down the left corridor.
Tom (swallowing hard): Obeying the PDC by going down the right corridor.
Dick passes a note to Condi: Your PDC is vibrating, now.
Dick passes a note to George: Your PDC is not vibrating.
Dick: What now?
Alberto: "Citizen Tom-R, you appear to be going the wrong way."
Tom: I remove my PDC to show that it is vibrating. "I am afraid not, Alberto-R. I do not pretend to know the mind of the Computer, but clearly it intends for my path to be different from yours."
Condi: Starting off down the left corridor.
George: "He is not the only one, Alberto-R. My PDC also indicates that this is the right way to go - for Tom-R and I, at least." I head down the right corridor after Tom-R.
Alberto: I grind my teeth and mutter. "Maybe that filthy mutie isn't actually on our mission, but why is our team leader going with him?"
Donald takes notes in his loyalty notepad.
George: "That's very observant of you, Alberto-R. I will call your PDC periodically to get a status report. I'll regard any failure to respond as an indication of Commie mutant sabotage and act accordingly."
Condi (singing): "An excellent plan, George-R, and I shall call your PDC periodically to confirm your status. That way, no sabotage of one group can take place without the other finding out about it."
Tom passes Dick a note: I'm not waiting for this little chat to end. Following the PDC where it leads me, sticking to the shadows. Losing George-R, if I can.
George (grinning): "I can already tell that we're going to enjoy working together, Condi-R."
Alberto: "We should get going, then. We have an important mission ahead of us."
George: I nod and head off down the corridor following Tom-R.
Dick passes George a note: He appears to have vanished.
George passes Dick a note: I'll use this as an opportunity to make contact with my other two secret societies, then. I'm calling Alberto-R every sixty seconds or so, but I'm not going to let it fall into a pattern or a rhythm. I just want to keep him constantly on his guard to the point of annoyed paranoia that makes him completely incapable of being productive.
Condi: We'll head down the corridor, following our PDCs.
Dick: Speaking of PDCs, Alberto-Rs is ringing an awful lot.
George: "What's your status?"
Alberto: "We've moved 3 meters down the corridor, sir."
George: "Check." I hang up. Thirty seconds later, I call again. "What's your status, Alberto-R?"
Dick: You are one twisted monster, George. Have a Perversity point. Tom, I'll need you to go to isolation chamber #2. George, since you will be receiving constant status reports via Alberto-R, I'll let you stay. For the moment, though, I need to have a private conference with Tom.

GM Conference with Tom:
Tom: So, where exactly is my PDC taking me, Dick?
Dick: Funny you should ask that. It leads you to a confession booth in an apparently deserted INFRARED corridor.
Tom: I go inside.
Dick: The cameras and monitor have apparently fallen prey to vandals, but the speakers are clearly working, as you can hear the faint hiss of static.
Tom: I sit down and close the door.
Dick: As soon as you sit down, the static stops and a soft voice speaks to you. "Thank you for coming so swiftly, citizen."
Tom: "I swiftly rise and am at the ready to serve you, Friend Computer."
Dick: "And you will be rewarded for your vigilance. I have a special job for you."
Tom: "I live to serve You and Alpha Complex."
Dick: "Good. A short while ago, one of my couriers dropped a red token in the corridor outside of the briefing room you just left. One of the members of your Troubleshooter team picked it up, thinking it was a mere plasticred, though it will be up to you to determine who removed it. This red token is a holy relic of the Computer. You must determine who has it, recover it without any citizen knowing that anything is amiss, and bring it to Osama-B-LDN-6 in the IRQ Sector."
Tom: "Yes, Friend Computer."
Dick: "This is our little secret, citizen. No one is to know about the red token. All record of this conversation is to be eliminated from the mission record. Reformat your multicorder's drive, if you have to. You are the only one on the team I can trust - the only one with the leet skills needed to accomplish this delicate mission."
Tom: "I am honored by your trust, and I serve and obey, Friend Computer."
Dick: Your PDC suddenly starts ringing.
Tom: I genuflect quickly and step out of the confession booth before answering it.
Dick: You hear a voice you recognize as Billy-G-RHM-4, the Elder of your congregation. "Tom-R, I understand you are on a mission for the Computer in the IRQ Sector."
Tom: "Yes, Billy-G."
Dick: "Good. I'm afraid a Commie mutant heretic named John-R-KRY-3 in the IRQ Sector is claiming to be the spiritual clone of the Computer. Despite his low security clearance, he has amassed a fairly large following of INFRAREDs. We suspect he might be the person responsible for the sabotage in that sector, but no one has yet been able to prove to the Computer that John-R is guilty of inciting treason. If you find John-R-KRY-3, expose him for the traitor he is, and see that justice falls upon him, your next clone will be rewarded."
Tom: "I will keep my eyes open, Billy-G. No traitor can be allowed to live."
Dick: "Good. See you at BINGO next Fiveday."
Tom: I hang up.
Dick: Your PDC starts vibrating again.
Tom: I follow the call.
Dick: It leads you back the way you came, past the briefing room, and in the direction the rest of your mission team went. Stay here for a moment. I need to get George-R caught up.
Tom: Wait a second. While I'm walking, I want to check the status of my briefing room bug.
Dick: It appears to have been detected and destroyed.
Tom: Okay, then I'll play back whatever it recorded into my headset.
Dick: You hear Jacques-Y gasp. "Abraham-B!" Then you hear the sizzle of a laser pistol and the heavy sound of a corpse hitting the floor. A voice you'll never forget speaks. "Get him out of here." There's the sound of boots scraping across the floor. Several seconds later, Abraham-B speaks again, "I thought I told you to wait until all of them were out of the room. No matter. I believe we can turn this to our advantage. Take him back to his barracks. I'm going to check the room for bugs. Troubleshooters are such a paranoid lot." Several minutes pass as furniture moves. Eventually, Abraham-B speaks again. "Ah, there's one." There is a crunch and then static.
Tom: Okay.
Dick: Stay here. I'll be back.

GM Conference with George:
Dick: You arrange for a quick meeting with your secret society contacts. ProTech tells you about a jackobot that was designed and programmed by R&D to repair nuclear reactors and other aspects of electrical infrastructure. It was a masterpiece far more skilled in its task than any merely human nuclear technician. The jackobot was sent on a dangerous mission to stop a reactor from melting down, but Power Services technicians apparently sabotaged the mission to make sure that the jackobots never made them obsolete. The experimental nuclear technician bot was destroyed, along with the rest of the sector. The prototype, however, ended up on maintenance duty at a transbot station in this sector - curiously, the last transbot station on the track between the IRQ and the FRA Sectors. The possibilities, of course, are endless.
George: And Free Enterprise?
Dick: Free Enterprise impresses upon you the importance of the mission you're on, though they suggest that it might be useful to be in a strong negotiating position when the transbot pulls into the station in the IRQ Sector. Let's just say that the cargo isn't what you and your fellow Troubleshooters have been told it is.
George: Okay. After I get that information - complete with contradictory orders (thank you, Dick) - I go back to the briefing room and follow my PDCs vibrations to outfitting.
Dick: We'll go back to the table, and I'll let you know when you catch up with the others.

Back at the Gaming Table:
Dick: Are the rest of you going straight to the PLC warehouse?
Four notes to Dick slide across the table almost simultaneously.
Alberto: "This is very strange, citizens. My PDC seems to be leading me down this side corridor. My path must be slightly different from yours." I go down a side passage.
Donald: I shrug and go down a different side passage.
Samuel: "Oh, that's a very inefficient corridor over there. I'll catch up with you in a couple minutes, Condi-R. I have a job to do."
Condi: "I'll go hold our place in line, Samuel-R. See you at outfitting."
The content of all the notes was pretty much the same - "I find an excuse to go off on my own so I can contact my secret society." Dick spends several minutes composing and passing notes back.
Dick's note to Alberto: Mutants (or those controlled by a powerful mutant) are clearly behind the sabotage in IRQ Sector. The registered mutant on your team is obviously in league with these traitors, and his secret mission is to make sure the radioactive materials on the transbot fall into mutie hands. Who knows the terrible use to which they will put these materials?
Dick's note to Condi: There is a new prophet in the IRQ Sector named John-R-KRY-3. He has amassed a small army of followers in a short period of time, so there must be something compelling about his message. You could gain great enlightenment as his disciple.
Dick's note to Donald: There is a citizen named Osama-B-LDN who lives in the IRQ Sector who has acquired a sizeable library of Old Reckoning books. He can often be convinced to trade electronic reproductions of these books with someone who can add new books to his library.
Dick's note to Samuel: There will be several bots on the transbot you'll be on. One of them is missing its Asimov circuit and has been programmed to murder humans in entertaining ways. Don't let the bot frame you for the murders, but don't think that anyone will believe you if you tell them that a bot is responsible. To save yourself, you'll have to destroy the bot and frame someone else for the destruction of Computer property. It is probably also a good idea to frame someone else for the bot's murders, if you can. It will prevent questions from being raised later.
Dick: John, you can come back now.
Dick hands John a note: A strange citizen gives you the secret PURGE handshake, leaving a note in your hand. "The chaos in the IRQ Sector reflects badly on the Computer's ability to protect Alpha Complex's citizens from the Commie mutant threat. Document the horrors you find there, and we will bring the Computer's failures to light. If you can turn the mission record into a documentary of the Computer's failures, it would be best, but it won't be easy to get the multicorder tape away from the recording officer long enough to make a copy.
Dick: Coincidentally, you all arrive at the PLC warehouse at the same time.
Tom: "The Computer works in mysterious ways. Many the paths, but the distance was clearly the same."
No one else comments.
Dick: Anyone care to make any accusations, at this time?
No response.
Dick: Good. Then we'll resume with outfitting next week.

GM - Vice President Cheney
Alberto-R-GZS-1 (Alberto) - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
Condi-R-ICE-1 (Condi) - Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
Donald-R-UMI-1 (Donald) - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
George-R-BSH-1 (George) - President George W. Bush
John-R-SNO-1 (John) - Secretary of Treasury John Snow
Samuel-R-BMN-1 (Samuel) - Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman
Tom-R-IDG-1 (Tom) - Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge