Will: Annabelle, Lindley, Saelic, Sardis, and Taetia leave the elven castle and enter the Mirky Wood.
Henry: And the nine zombies.
Will: Yes, and the nine zombies.
Nate: Lindley takes one look at the zombies and immediately draws her sword, set it ablaze, and destroys them. "Die, mockeries of life!" AC 19 and 20. Hits?
Henry (ooc): Wait a minute. Don't we at least get a chance to roll initiative?
Will: Her behavior is a bit surprising. I'll let you react this round if you succeed a sense motive check DC 20.
Henry (ooc): Yeah, like I have a chance there.
Will: You can roll it or you can wait until she takes her partial action during the surprise round. It's up to you.
Henry: I'll roll. 13. Nope. A partial action is only one attack, remember.
Nate: Okay. Do you want me to take the AC 19, or should I roll again.
Will: The AC 19 is fine, and it's a hit. Damage?
Greenleaf: Wait a minute. I want to try to make the sense motive check, too.
Will: Okay. Anyone else?
Greenleaf: 3. Not even close.
Ed: I can't even try to make that check, so I won't.
Oliver: I'll hold off, this time.
Nate: 11 damage, unless zombies take extra damage from fire.
Henry: They don't.
Will: Initiative, everyone.
Ed: 15
Nate: 14
Henry: 15
Greenleaf: 7
Oliver: 17
Will: And the zombies get 8. Taetia.
Oliver: Taetia forages ahead. This fight is boring.
Will: Ed and Henry, could you reroll to break the tie?
Ed: Bah. 10.
Henry: 18.
Will: Saelic?
Henry: Casting burning hands on Lindley. Reflex save DC 11.
Greenleaf (ooc): Why are you doing this, Henry?
Henry (ooc): Why don't you ask him why he's wrecking my zombies?
Nate (ooc): Because I'm a paladin. Duh. Success.
Will: Damage.
Henry: 12. 6 after the save.
Will: Annabelle?
Ed: I'm going to bite Saelic's leg.
Henry (ooc): Why are you attacking me?
Greenleaf (ooc): Maybe because she doesn't much like the taste of elves?
Ed (ooc): Well yes. That and the paladin and the psion look far more dangerous than the tasty necromancer, so she'd rather have them on her side.
Will: What AC do you hit?
Ed: Sorry. What awful rolls. AC 20 and 14
Henry: Those both hit.
Will: Damage?
Ed: Bah. Only 21.
Henry (ooc): Gah!
Will: Lindley?
Nate: Getting nice and deep in zombies and laying waste with the flaming sword. Power attack for -5 to each attack. AC 18 and 12.
Will: Both hit.
Ed (ooc): Nate. You're a paladin. Why aren't you turning them?
Nate: 17 and 16, both to uninjured ones.
Will: That drops both of them.
Nate: How many zombies are within melee of me?
Will: I'm going to say 3 more of them, including the wounded one.
Nate: Great Cleave on the wounded one. AC 13 for 18 damage.
Will: Drops.
Nate: AC 17 for 16 damage.
Will: Drops.
Nate: AC 14 for 20 damage.
Will: Lindley is now standing in a circle of five decapitated zombies.
Ed (ooc): Ah. That would be why...
Nate (ooc): Why waste a turning attempt when you can hack them apart, instead?
Will: The four remaining zombies fall upon Lindley. AC 18, 12, 8, and 17.
Nate: No hits.
Ed (ooc): Your zombies suck.
Will: Sardis?
Greenleaf passess a note to Will.
Will: Saelic, give me a reflex save, DC 14.
Henry: Why is everyone picking on me? Bah. Failed.
Will: Writhing strands of ectoplasm surround and imprison Saelic, blinding him and preventing him from taking any actions other than breathing.
Greenleaf: It also prevents anyone else from harming him for the next few minutes.
Ed (ooc): Awww. You're no fun.
Will: Oliver, Taetia hasn't gotten very far, but the sounds of battle already seem to be dying down. Are you coming back?
Oliver: No. Taetia keeps moving as quickly as she can without compromising safety.
Will: Saelic?
Henry (ooc): Can I actually do anything? No. So I just shout muffled threats and curses while they kill my zombies.
Will: Ed?
Ed: Annabelle spits out a mouthful of ectoplasm and swallows any flesh she already has in her mouth.
Will: Nate?
Nate: Hacking up the zombies. Power attack again, -5 to hit. AC 9 and 14.
Will: The first misses.
Nate: Yeah. I kind of figured. 15 damage on one of the zombies.
Will: You land a solid blow, but it isn't enough to drop it.
Nate: Ah well.
Will: Sardis?
Greenleaf passes a note to Will, which Will passes back. Greenleaf edits the note, and passes it back to Will. Will then passes the note to Henry, who quickly disposes of it. Unbeknownst to all those not involved, this was a manifestation of missive telling Henry to stop attacking and that Sardis means him no harm. Initially, the missive had one too many words, which is why Will passed it back, after which Greenleaf edited it to the right length, and Will passed it to Henry.
Oliver (ooc): What was that about?
Greenleaf (ooc): None of your business.
Will: Okay. Oh. Almost forgot the zombies, who are still attacking Lindley. AC 16, 11, and 3. Misses. Taetia?
Oliver: Still scouting. Do I find anything interesting?
Will: Not in two minutes, no. Saelic?
Henry: Murfle murr?
Will: Right. Annabelle?
Ed: Stabbing one of the zombies with my half spear. Power attack -5. AC 12 and 21.
Will: Both hit. Damage?
Ed: 11 on the wounded one. 15 on another one.
Will: The wounded one drops. Lindley?
Nate: Hacking the wounded one and then an unhurt one. Power attack -5. AC 14 and 19. 13 and 21.
Will: Both drop. Cleave, right?
Nate: Yep. AC 13. 12 damage.
Will: The remaining zombie takes a swing at Lindley. AC 5.
Nate (ooc): Were these zombies really worth killing a village over?
Will: Sardis.
Greenleaf: Sardis hauls Saelic over his shoulder and takes off walking the way Taetia went.
Greenleaf passes a note to Will. Will rolls a die and passes a note back. This time, it was a manifestation of inkling, asking whether it would endanger Lindley and Annabelle to leave them behind to catch up with Taetia. The answer is a negative.
Oliver (ooc): And what was that one about?
Greenleaf (ooc): Nevermind. That's between me, God, and the DM.
Will: Taetia?
Oliver: Still scouting. Anything interesting, yet?
Will: No.
Oliver: Not even a pretty flower or a small woodland creature?
Will: There's a black squirrel on a nearby tree branch. It's chittering something at you that might be a string of insults.
Oliver: A throw a dagger at it. AC 17. 7 damage, if it hits.
Will: You just killed a squirrel.
Greenleaf (ooc): Again, I just have to ask. Why?
Oliver: That squirrel had it coming. I collect my dagger and mutter, "I wonder what's taking them so long?"
Will: Saelic?
Henry: Still cocooned?
Will: Yes.
Henry: Then why bother asking?
Will: Annabelle.
Ed: I poke another one with the spear. Power attack -5. AC 18 and 16. 25 damage total.
Will: That does it for the zombies.
Nate: Lindley sets about digging graves for them.
Ed: Annabelle helps. Wouldn't want her to be at this all day long after the last diversion we had.
Nate: Once the elves are buried, Lindley will say a prayer for their souls and hurry along the path.
Ed: Annabelle will hang back slightly, loot the bodies, throw the dirt back onto them, and catch up at best speed.
Will: They don't have anything of value.
Ed (ooc): It wouldn't matter if they did. This is a one-shot game. You loot the bodies on general principle, especially when they're the corpses of innocent elven villagers who weren't even supposed to be a part of this adventure. It's just one of those things adventurers are supposed to do.
Greenleaf (ooc): Steal from the dead? That seems rather horrible.
Ed (ooc): It's not like the dead need their money, and their next of kin don't even know where they're buried.
Nate (ooc): In fact, their next of kin might now be rotting in the woods. Saelic didn't bury all those elves he gassed, did he?
Henry (ooc): No. That would have been a waste of time.
Greenleaf (ooc): And none of the authorities bothered to investigate the cause of death? That's not very realistic, is it?
Will (ooc): It would have taken a lot of time.
Nate (ooc): And planning.
Will (ooc): Yes, that too. The main thing is to keep the game moving.
Oliver: Speaking of which, are there any pretty flowers on the path ahead, yet?
Will: The farther you get from the elven palace, the darker the forest becomes. There really aren't any flowers, though there are any number of foul-smelling mushrooms sprouting to either side of the path.
Oliver: Any more of those squirrels?
Will: Lots.
Oliver: Going to use some of the squirrels for target practice.
Greenleaf (ooc): Why?
Oliver (ooc): I'm a predator. Killing is what I do.
Greenleaf (ooc): Most cats pounce.
Oliver (ooc): Only because they don't have opposable thumbs.
Poe (ooc): You don't even eat what you kill, though. That's hardly the way of the predator.
Will: Enough with the squirrels, already. Taetia, Sardis catches up to you a couple minutes after you leave the group behind. He's carrying a vaguely Saelic-shaped cocoon of ectoplasm over his shoulder.
Greenleaf: "Taetia, wait a moment, please. I need to tend Saelic's wounds, and the others are still burying the dead with dignity." Sardis sets Saelic down, fishes a crystal from a pouch, and waits for the cocoon to fade.
Greenleaf passes a note to Will stating that he is readying a power stone of inertial barrier in case Saelic makes any rash moves. Will destroys the note.
Oliver: Taetia doesn't respond, merely frolicking in the area nearby. She stays within screaming distance of Sardis and Saelic, though.
Will: Saelic, the cocoon eventually disappears. You are lying on your back with Sardis kneeling near you.
Henry: Saelic opens his eyes slowly, a calm but vaguely threatening expression on his face. "Where are Lindley and Annabelle? I have a surprise for them."
Greenleaf: "You are not going to harm them. You may be a wizard, but I possess power equal to, if not greater than, your own. I can mend your leg with a thought, but I first want your promise that you will stop attacking your companions - including Lindley and Annabelle - however much you feel put upon merely to travel with them."
Henry: "That is not acceptable. Now, heal me."
Greenleaf: "You will agree to these terms, or I will not. I bear you no malice, Saelic, but you need me more than I need you."
Henry: "Very well, so long as you agree to protect me from Lindley's and Annabelle's zeal."
Greenleaf: "Agreed." (passes a note to Will - "activating empathic transfer" - and rolls a die) Success. 8.
Will: Some of Saelic's wounds heal. Gain 8 hp. Sardis appears to weaken slightly.
Greenleaf passes a note to will - "activating lesser body adjustment until healed - and rolls a die.
Greenleaf: Success. 4. Failure. 5.
Will: Sardis's wounds heal in a matter of a couple minutes.
Greenleaf: Repeating. Failure. 8. Success. 6. Failure. 4.
Will: Saelic heals 8 more hp. Sardis weakens, again, but heals in a couple minutes.
Ed (ooc): You must be the worst cleric ever.
Greenleaf (ooc): How do you know he's a cleric?
Nate (ooc): I know he's not a cleric, but Ed's statement stands concerning healing powers, in general. 3 rounds to heal 8 damage?
Greenleaf (ooc): Perhaps, but as long as the dice are with me, he's a hit point vending machine. And I can heal more quickly, if necessary. Right now, though, we have to wait on you two before we travel any farther, so it doesn't matter how long it takes.
Greenleaf: Repeating. Success. 8. Success. 8.
Will: Saelic heals 8. Sardis recovers almost immediately.
Henry: Saelic is completely recovered. "What is that stone in your hand, Sardis? Spell focus?"
Greenleaf: "I'm sorry. I am sworn to secrecy concerning the workings of my art. I can only speak of my discipline on the Feast of Open Minds."
Henry: "And when is that?"
Greenleaf: "I can't tell you that. Ask me again on the Feast of Open Minds."
Will: About this time, Lindley and Annabelle can arrive.
Nate: We arrive, riding Adrian at a full gallop for the interposing distance, simply because he enjoys the extra workout. "Sardis, Saelic, where's Taetia?"
Greenleaf passes a note to Will - "Using remote viewing to find her" - and rolls a die.
Greenleaf: Success.
Will writes a note and passes it to Oliver.
Oliver (ooc): Ah, so this is what all these notes are about.
Oliver passes a note back to Will, who passes it to Greenleaf.
Greenleaf: Sardis points directly at Taetia's location, though it is screened by trees and shrouded in darkness. "Over there. She is within earshot, and it appears that she has accumulated a rather large collection of black squirrels in your absence." Sardis calls out. "Taetia, you can come back, now. They're here. Perhaps Annabelle will want to try your squirrels."
Oliver: Taetia comes back with several corpses of black squirrels in one hand. "Is it lunchtime already?"
Ed: Annabelle licks her lips. "It's always lunchtime, if I don't have to eat elves."
Henry: I guess we have a post-intra-party warefare picnic in the Mirky Woods.
Ed: Annabelle will cook.
Greenleaf: Sardis doesn't eat anything.
Greenleaf passes a note to Will - "Using sustenance." Will nods.
Ed: 23 on the cooking roll. Squirrel doesn't get any better than this.
Will: Annabelle does an excellent job of seasoning the squirrel meat, but it still tastes absolutely horrible.
Henry: I suppose it's trail mix for lunch, today.
Ed: Trail mix for you. Elfwurst for me.
Greenleaf: Sardis still doesn't eat.
Ed: "Aren't you hungry, Sardis?"
Greenleaf: "I can't tell you. Ask me again on the Feast of Open Minds."
Ed: "What's the Feast of Open Minds?"
Greenleaf: "I am not permitted to tell you that. Ask me again on the Feast of the Open Minds."
Ed: "I might, but when is the Feast of the Open Minds?"
Greenleaf: "I can only answer that on the Feast of the Open Minds."
Ed: Annabelle loses interest and resumes munching her elfwurst. "Anyone want any?"
Nate: "What is it?"
Ed: "Elfwurst."
Nate: "What's in it?"
Ed: "Elf meat."
Oliver: Taetia shrugs. "I'll try anything once."
Nate: Lindley blanches. "And where did you get the meat of an elf, little one?"
Ed: Annabelle hands Taetia some Elfwurst. "The same place Saelic got his zombies. I don't know the name of the village. There wasn't a sign at the entrance, and by the time I got there, everyone was dead, so I couldn't ask."
Nate: Lindley flushes with rage. Her blade comes out again, burning like her anger as she spurs Adrian closer to the wizard.
Henry: Shall we roll initiative, again?
Oliver: Taetia is going to get bored and wander off as soon as they start fighting each other, again.
Greenleaf (ooc): Can you guys not do this? I don't want to have to incapacitate the entire party to stop this. I can only carry two people at a time.
Will: Yes. Please?
Henry (ooc): Unless she kills me in the first round, she's one dead paladin. I don't recommend this course of action.
Nate (ooc): Sorry, but Lindley finds his behavior unacceptable. She's not going to just back down.
Ed (ooc): Can't I just retcon the whole elfwurst bit so they don't have a reason to kill each other, in the first place?
Henry (ooc): No. This should be an interesting fight.
Will: At that very moment, the trees nearby are flattened by the enormous bulk of a red dragon who eyes you with amusement. "Please, by all means continue. I've just come to watch you kill each other. The Master will soon return to Centerland. When he does, all halflings will be his slaves, all paladins will be put to death, and all necromancers will be mere vessels for his power. But for now, I can still enjoy the entertainment."
Oliver (ooc): That's a pretty flimsy hook.
Greenleaf (ooc): I think he just wants us to get on with the game. The session is supposed to end in an hour, and we've just left the palace.
Henry (ooc): If you back down, now, you might not be the first to die, Nate.
Ed (ooc): Greenleaf is right. I'd like to finish the scenario, if we still can.
Nate: Fine. Lindley chases off the dragon, unless it tries to put up a fight.
will: It doesn't, flying west and away from you.
Oliver (ooc): Can we still get through the game before the session ends?
Will: I think so, though I'll have to cut out a lot. Let's see. I can cut the giant spiders.
Henry (ooc): Not like they would have stood a chance against us, anyway.
Will: You might have been surprised. The river of forgetting. The grues.
Nate (ooc): I wasn't aware those had been statted up for D&D.
Will: You can find anything on the internet. The poisonous spring.
Greenleaf (ooc): That one wouldn't have affected me. Sardis doesn't ever eat or drink.
Henry (ooc): Sustenance?
Greenleaf (ooc): Ask me again on the Feast of Open Minds.
Henry (ooc): Sustenance.
Will: Okay. This is where things get interesting.
Oliver (ooc): In other words, this is where the random encounters end and the plot begins.
Will: You are less than a day's journey away from the western edge of the Mirky Wood when you see a UFO in the skies above.
Nate (ooc): Okay. I'm confused, now.
Oliver (ooc): Did you just say UFO?
Will: After hovering high in the sky for several minutes, it abruptly explodes, sending fragments of itself, as well as several shapes you soon identify as humanoid, raining from the sky.
Henry (ooc): Just when I think we're in a Tolkien rip-off game, you have to go and break me.
Will: I'll be back in a minute. When I return, I want to know how you're reacting to this unexpected turn of events.
William Cullen Bryant (Will) - DM
Edgar Allen Poe (Ed) plays Annabelle, an extremely carnivorous halfling barbarian.
Nathaniel Hawthorne (Nate) plays Lindley, an elven paladin.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (Henry) plays Saelic, a human necromancer.
John Greenleaf Whittier (Greenleaf) plays Sardis, a human psion (Egoist).
Oliver Wendell Holmes (Oliver) plays Taetia, a human fighter/rogue whom Oliver nevertheless insists looks like a humanoid cat.